Let God Fill the Mommy Cracks
I believe we all get to our breaking points as mothers. That moment when the heap of guilt becomes too much. We feel inadequate... like we can't go on.
How scary is it know that as mothers, we have the greatest impact in teaching them. So much guilt is associated with this. We worry every day about "messing them up". We become paranoid, we want to do it perfectly. It grieves us, it's depressing, and we become ashamed when we feel we didn't do something as perfect as we would have liked.
Recently I had to go inpatient. Yes, the major reasoning was because my kids father had just been sent to prison... but the underlining fear was the realization that I had to do this mother thing ALONE. The fear consumed me.
We let all the things that we don't do well, all the times we've lost our tempers, our inadequacies, our wrong choices EAT us up. Like a ravenous wolf, we are always trying to control situations, outcomes... We forget that GOD is in control.
I remember crying out to God, "You've got to help me, here I am trying, and I'm failing. I'm so afraid of doing things wrong, not well enough. I'm going to mess them up!"
The word of god so often speaks to our hearts in these times. I was reminded that God has not given us the spirit of timidity, but of courage and power. He didn't call me to be a mom to always be timid. He doesn't want me to always be afraid of making mistakes, and feeling guilty. He called me to be a mom who can stand courageously in the mist of my mistakes, and know that I have a God that is big enough to cover it!
One thing has been my passion as a mom, and one thing I continue to struggle with is that... if I'm perfect, then my kids don't really need God. It's in the times when I'm not enough, and I feel inadequate that I'm reminded to tell my kids of someone that is totally adequate, all knowing, all powerful. It's in those times as moms, that we should be encouraged because we can take them out of our hands, and put them into the hands of a FATHER that is never going to let them go. If it weren't for my imperfections, I wouldn't be prompted to do that.
That is why Paul tells us we can be encouraged about our weaknesses, excited about our shortcomings.. because of those times we can get strength from God and his Glory can shine in our lives.