Two years ago when I had my first baby I was that first time mom that probably made you want to barf. I had a dream pregnancy I sailed through, and embraced every ache and pain I had. At 9 months I could have gone 9 more and wondered how anybody could complain at the end!
However, I had struggled with unexplained infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss for six years prior to our IVF miracle, and when my daughter Emma Hope came into the world, my life seemed filled with nothing but magic. I did photo shoots of every outfit, held her for every nap, embraced the crying, the fussiness, the diaper blowouts. I made gourmet organic baby food, In addition to taking 10k pictures of her, I made an album of a picture of her every day for a year, as well as making about 10 shutterfly books. The house was always immaculate, and life seemed easy and carefree. My biggest platform and PSA for people was that on bad days always be blessed and grateful, because there was a time when I didn’t think I would have children, that I would often say, “ your worst day is someone else’s biggest dream.” And it is still true, because it is a blessing and a privilege to be a mom, and if you are lucky enough to have children you should never take it for granted!
But then I became pregnant spontaneously….SURPRISE!!! And after going through an unplanned pregnancy, working night shift as a nurse with a toddler…..the pregnancy was quite different. And then after having my precious son, I have now quickly become very humbled…..and those rose colored glasses I wore with my daughter have turned into a slightly different shade. And it is not because I am not so blessed and grateful; it is because I have learned that although being a mom is a blessing and a privilege, it is one of the hardest, most exhausting jobs in the world!
I entered into the world of being a mom of two the day before the quarantine began, so while being terrified; I am isolated at home with much less help than before. While also learning all the ins and outs of being a second time mom with a newborn! I am learning to juggle( and potty train) a toddler…..who was perfect the day I left for the hospital……that is now…..well……different. The different that I said two days before I delivered, she would never be! Between coping with the new normal the pandemic has brought, we are also coping with our families new normal. Because of my journey and struggle with infertility in addition to five miscarriages, I will always deep down appreciate the bad days. But, now my breaking point is less, my patience is worn down, my expectations are different,and my attention for each child is split. My reserve tank isn’t filled up as it used to be, as I have much less time for myself and to rest. Milestone pictures have not been taken, his naps are in the crib, and my daughter eats whatever I can find for meals some days. So, even though yes I appreciate those difficult days, and am lucky to be able to experience them; nothing in life so far has been more perfectly imperfect, so beautiful, yet messy, exhausting as well as exhilarating, and the hardest yet best job in the world as being a mom is.
Moms everywhere should be given support and encouragement every single day they get out of bed in the morning, and especially in today’s scary world of uncertainty where life’s demands and expectations on motherhood are even greater than they were yesterday.
Happy mother’s day 2020…..the one where we were all quarantined!