Dear George,

Please excuse me for calling you George since we have never met. It is, however, your name. I’m Jeff.

I’m here to help. Yeah, I know. You probably hear that a lot and probably not from very nice people. But, I’m different. Please allow me to explain.

Having children can be stressful, but having twins is off the charts. Doing it all when you’re over 50 is insanity. But, there is hope for you (and them) and the little buggers will consume your heart in ways you cannot even imagine.

Official statistics show the number of over-50s fathering children has risen by 40 percent in 12 years. You are not alone.

Including me. I had my boys when I was 51. They are now 8, almost 9, going on 16, but acting like 4. I’m 37. They have allowed me to regress in my aging. That’s a plus.

No, I didn’t plan it that way. In high school, when I took this religion class (I went to a parochial school in Ohio), there was an exercise where I was paired with a girl and we had to plan our lives so that we could begin thinking about what life would be like when we graduated. The thought never came up that I would wait until my 50s to have kids.

The first marriage ended and I never thought I would meet a woman and have kids. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be married again. I wasn’t even sure I was “marriage material,” whatever that means. I mean, I was 40 and by that time, women my age already had kids and if they didn’t, they knew they didn’t want them. Meeting a woman who was substantially younger than me and having kids seemed, what, improbable?

That thought never came up until I met my second wife and she said she would like to have kids and I said, yeah, that sounds good. Of course, by then I was over 40.

But, then again, as Han Solo said, don’t tell me the odds. After all, I’m the one who moved to NYC and became a professional actor at 40. Hey, it didn’t last long, but at least I did it.

Becoming a daddy did seem like a remote possibility even with my penchant for odds-bucking. But, wouldn’t you know it, I met a wonderful woman and she said Yes and let’s have kids and I said OK. I mean it sounded like a good idea at the time.

Reality is often different that imagination. And after three years or so of “trying,” we got pregnant. Don’t be fooled, if she’s pregnant, I might as well be pregnant ‘cause I have to live with her during. I may not have the weight gain, but I certainly had everything else, like the midnight cravings for ice cream or massages. I mean if she had the cravings, I had to be the fulfiller of said cravings. You know what I mean.

What does one say when the doctor says, upon the initial exam of mommy, “How do you feel about twins?” All I could say was, I knew it was a bad time to give up drinking. (I had to give up drinking during the “trying” phase because, contrary to popular belief, alcohol inhibits sperm mobility and those guys were on a perilous enough mission as it was!)

I don’t regret having kids in the least. They are the joys of my life with mommy. I miss being younger so that I can be more active with them, more energetic, and so that they could see what daddy was like in his prime physical condition, how fast he could run or how he could shoot a basketball or throw a baseball or swim.

But, what I have now I didn’t have then. Whenever I hear the word "maturity," I cringe. I don’t think of myself as mature. I certainly don’t think of myself as wiser. I do think of myself as "more experienced." In the end, if it helps them with homework or teachers or girlfriends or sports or anything and everything else, that’s not such a bad thing. I’ll beat the odds.

Nevertheless, I have put together some thoughts for you to “grow” into your new parenting role.

The First Year

OK, so the first three months of the year are a blur. Not much sleep, eating when you can, basic hygiene. It’s all about the kids. In fact, it is only the kids. Everything else is survival mode. I don’t know how mommy or I did it.

Think of it this way. The kids have no routines, no preferences and have no idea what they’re doing. So, it’s all up to your parenting team and any interested parties, related or otherwise, to help the kids discover their new living arrangements and life itself.

No pressure.

Be prepared with supplies. Try different things. Clean up the messes. Take care of yourself and hang on.

Dishes. Laundry. Groceries. These never stop. And diapers. And formula.

Fortunately, mommy and I really didn’t have specialization of labor. We both did anything and everything that had to be done. They are my kids, too. Why wouldn’t I help? In fact, I wanted to because I am daddy, hear me roar. We would also give each other breaks as the occasion arose. One piece of advice: nap when they nap.

Let me put it this way. This is the easy part, believe it or not. Once the gang start walking and talking, all hope for normalcy in life is lost. Enjoy.

It took my boys about 11 months for both of them to sleep through the night. It just sorta happened and one morning I, and mommy too, woke up and realized that we had also slept through the night.

You need a team. There’s you and mommy, but you will also need other relatives or friends to fill in for those contingencies that are unexpected or for which you and mommy are unavailable. I get it. You’re a busy guy, but have your team ready. You will need them.

The time will come when you will go somewhere with the little buggers, whether it’s the doctor’s, the grocery store, the clothing store, the mall, Cannes, Lourdes, Kentucky, whatever. You already have car seats ‘cause you brought them home in those from the hospital. Wet wipes are a necessity at all times and in mass quantities.

It felt like we got a raise when the boys went off formula in the first year and went to baby food and whole milk.

Well, I don’t want to overburden you or scare you (OK, maybe a little) with a lot of information. Oh, one thing, everybody (meaning EVERYBODY) will ask you all sorts of dumb questions about your twins, like are they identical or fraternal?, or they will give you all sorts of advice. Just say Thank you in your own gracious way. They like to think they are being original or helpful.

There are statistics, too, which don’t always shed a good light on older dads. Nevertheless, as per Matt McGue, PhD., who is the co-director of the Minnesota Center for Twin and Family Research. “If I had an older father ... I wouldn’t worry about it. There is such diversity in the age of parents today. Does it matter to kids? I don’t think it actually does.”

You probably already know this but there are celebrity dads over 50 and celebrity dads of twins. Here are a few:

Celebrity dads who had children after 50

1. Jeff Goldblum
2. Steve Martin
3. Robert De Niro
4. Bruce Willis
5. Alec Baldwin

Celebrity dads of twins

1. Denzel Washington
2. Patrick Dempsey
3. Matthew Broderick
4. Dennis Quaid
5. Ray Romano

Unfortunately, my name is not on the lists for one minor detail. But, I do fall into both categories and thus, would make a great resource for you. I have my own blog at www.DaddyisBest.com and I contribute to www.FathersofMultiples.com.

Good luck. Enjoy the moments. Believe it or not, heaven awaits in their arms.

Your new buddy,

Jeff

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