Eating in a restaurant when you have kids is a totally different experience from before children.
What It's Like to Eat Out When You Have Kids
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I enjoy eating in restaurants.
I have grand ideations of our family going out to eat at a sit-down restaurant and enjoying the meal. I want us to spend quality time together and this seems like a relatively realistic way to make it happen.
I see other families do it. Their children sit quietly coloring while they wait for the food to arrive.
Add the bonus of 1. I don’t have to cook and 2. I don’t have to do the dishes, and we have a clear winner.
The last time we ate out, the conversation ran something like this:
Zack: “I have to go potty.”
Dad: “I just took you potty 10 minutes ago.”
Zack: “I have to go pee!”
Dad: “Okay, I’m taking Zack to the bathroom.”
~~~
Paul: “Do they have macaroni and cheese here?”
Mom: “Yes, you may order the macaroni and cheese.”
Paul: “Can I get fries with it?”
Mom: “Yes, you may order fries with it. But I’m ordering broccoli too and you have to take a bite. And licking it does not count as a bite.”
~~~
Mom: “Josiah, you are almost a teenager. It’s time to stop building a fort out of the salt and pepper, jelly packets, forks, and straw wrappers.”
~~~
Zack: “I have to go potty.”
Dad: “I JUST took you potty.”
Zack: “I have to go now!”
Dad: “I am taking Zack to the bathroom again.”
~~~
Paul: “Mom, can I play with your phone?
Mom: “No, we are going to sit and have a conversation like civilized people. Look at that family over there. See how they are sitting so nicely, talking and waiting for their food?”
Paul: “Someone here just farted.”
Mom: “Here is my phone. Play a game while I talk to your father.”
~~~
Zack: “I have to go potty!”
Dad: “You cannot be serious.”
Zack: “I have to poop now.”
Dad: “Just have my food wrapped up to take home.”
~~~
Kiersten: “Why are all the people at the other tables staring at us?”
Mom: “I’m sure they are just admiring our beautiful family.”
Bekah: “Get real, Mom.”
Mom: “You’re right. I will leave an extra big tip.”
~~~
After we eat at a restaurant, Mike and I realize we have spent $150, not counting tip (7 people dining in, even with a coupon = expensive), for cold food and 1.5 hours of supreme parental torture.
It’s better in theory.
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