10 ways to prepare for motherhood

1. Develop a taste for wine. Any color. Any price point. It doesn’t matter. Also coffee and then rotate the two simultaneously through out the day.

2. Go to every room in your house and throw shit every where. Accept that you can’t clean it up. Ever. Get over it and move on.

3. Learn to sleep while cooking dinner, taking a shower, driving to work or even at work. You will have to still do those things so maybe a one eye open type sleep.

4. Cook a fabulous dinner for 2 hours and then spit on it and throw it in the trash.

5. Get a head start when running errands or just doing anything in the car, and by head start I mean never actually accomplishing any errands. Ever.

6. Go to a doctors office and give every sick person in the waiting room a long hug. You are now sick. Get used to it.

7. Put your most comfortable clothes on and sit down on the couch and take a load off..NOPE get back up, now sit back do..NOPE up you go! Up! Now do jumping jacks until you fall asleep.

8. Walk up to your dog and tell him to put his socks and shoes on. 37 times in a row. You will probably have better luck with your dog.

9. Put all your favorite trinkets, cashmere sweaters, expensive bags, & high thread count bed sheets in a pile; light it on fire and watch it burn and then sweep or vacuum up the mess.

10. Think about the one thing in your life you have loved with your whole heart, then try to imagine it multiplied by a billion. You still have not calculated the love you will have for your children.

…just wait