Google searches that include words like bored, stuck and stir-crazy are growing like the extra pounds on my waist during this 2020 quarantine. I have stumbled across many a to-do list that keeps me and my children occupied for hours.

As we have slowly crossed suggested items off our lists of things to do, I have decided to make a helpful list of my own. But this list is full of things that you should NOT (under any circumstances) do during a quarantine:

1. Box-dye your hair. No matter how bad your roots get. No matter how long you are stuck without a professional stylist, do not go for the box!
2. Text your ex. There is a reason he is your ex.
3. Wear sweatpants for 5 straight days and then act surprised when your jeans don’t button on day 6.
4. Eat like the world is ending. It is not.
5. Have unprotected sex. Unless you want to have a baby. Then by all means, enjoy!
6. Go near your eyebrows with anything other than a tweezer! CVS wax (or facial Nair) will not work on your coarse eyebrows. Trust me, I tried.
7. Give yourself bangs. No, a YouTube tutorial does not count as a stylist.
8. Forget that you are wearing short-shorts during your video conference when you are tempted to stand up from your at-home desk to re-fill your coffee.
9. Question why the government is giving you a $1,200 stimulus check. Sign, deposit, spend.
10. Walk around in a towel while your kids are on a Zoom classroom. Don't pick a fight with your spouse either. Teachers are watching your every move!
11. Forget to triple-check that you have properly ended every single video call you attend.
12. Start a Tik-Tok account. Or YouTube Channel. You will not be the next Internet Sensation but your children will be embarrassed for life!
13. Keep paying for services that you are no longer receiving. Freeze your gym memberships!
14. Drink before 5 p.m. Okay, fine, quarantine exception granted. Don’t drink before noon.
15. Hoard toilet paper. Please leave some on the shelves for the paycheck to paycheck folks.
16. Touch your face, DUH!
17. Be stingy when tipping on take-out. These people are all we have for the next month- or longer!
18. Be mean to the grocery store employees. They are the real heroes, after all.
19. Get married.
20. Or divorced.
21. Cough. Just don’t. It is too suspect. Same goes for sneezing, sniffling and saying 'I don’t feel good.'
22. Give your kid a time-out. We are all in a 2-month time out. Don’t make it worse.
23. Start online gambling. If you like your spending money, stay far away.
24. Weigh yourself. Now is the time to stress over silly numbers.
25. Forget this is temporary. One day, you may even miss the days of being ordered to stay home (in your sweatpants) with your loved ones when you appreciated the blessings of a roof over your head and food on the table.