Having battled crippling depression (read how I beat it here), I could not let the expectations and judgment of others dictate my life. If I did, I would drown. The key to thriving as a mother would be a healthy balance of time for myself and my child.

To be clear, I’m not an expert. Too often I find myself pushing my daughter into yet another activity, or feeling forced to attend yet another birthday party for a kid we barely know.

And honestly, I find it almost impossible to weigh my needs against my daughters and decide which one is more important, because it always feels like hers are more important. Madeline Levine might call it the price of privilege.

But I’ve discovered a trend: The best days seems to be the ones when I focus on myself just as much as my child.

Disrupting your child’s life for the benefit of your own seems like the most selfish move a parent can make.

But it’s one of the healthiest.

Here are five ways I’ve found to put myself first, and they make me a better mother, too!

My playground policy is if you can’t do it yourself, you’re not ready to do it. We arrive, and I sit with a book (yes, a printed book) and read while my child plays.

Yes, your darling can play on the playground alone, or with kids they don’t know. What your child needs on the playground is to play. That’s hard to do with Mom or Dad right by their side, harping on their every move.

If you need convincing, the next time you’re at the playground, try and count how many times the words, “You just need to [insert action here]” fall out of your mouth.

Let go of the control, and let your child take back control.

Then grab a seat and enjoy your book.

Travel fulfills me, nurturing my spirit and testing my boundaries. I love exploring and learning about cultures. It’s my best me-time.

But I don’t want to exclude my daughter from world travel. So we pack up the scooter and the stroller, we pull her out of school, and we go.

We recently spent 5 ½ weeks traveling through Spain, Morocco, and Israel – during the school year. Last year, we visited the former murder capital of the world (Medellin, Colombia) for a few weeks in the spring and had a delightful time.Both were dream trips for me.

Only the parents did.

Okay, this is a hard one. If you do have a few minutes to yourself, the urge to jump on Instagram, Pinterest, or Facebook is difficult to resist. If you do resist your social media cravings, then you’re left thinking you should be doing something. Cleaning, organizing, tidying up your never-ending to-do list.

Stop.

I force myself to stop and do something for myself (well, I try). Starting a project for myself, reading a book just for fun, taking a nap... the list of options is long and rewarding.

I fall into the trap of putting our daughter’s needs ahead of my way too often.

Meals are one of my biggest parenting traps. Wanting my daughter to eat healthily (or just eat) results in bland, boring food too often. Pasta, eggs, white rice – you know what it’s like cooking for a preschooler.

This year, I’ve made a concerted effort to locate recipes that have lots of flavors but can be dished up to a little girl before adjusting to my more grown-up tastes. I’m obsessed with bowls, slow cooker meals, and ethnic dishes, but my daughter (understandably) doesn’t care for curry spices and other strong flavors.

Our latest hit was the brown rice, bean, and mango bowl. I dish it up for my daughter, sans spice, and then doctor the rest before devouring my delicious, made-for-me meal.

I love good food and refuse to settle for less. With just a little bit of effort, I locate recipes that satisfy my taste buds and fill my daughter up. There’s a cookbook in this method, I think!

I’m the parent that took my daughter to a Women’s March instead of her classmate’s birthday party. Yep, I’m evil. Feel free to hate me.

My needs were more important than her needs on that day. Refusing one birthday party invitation resulted in my daughter and I enjoying an extraordinary event together and connecting on a deeper level. I’ll take that over a birthday party any day.

I was able to nurture my beliefs and introduce my daughter to some of the dreams I have for her, by saying no and letting go of expectations.

So let go of yes. Say no to activities you don’t enjoy.

Honor your beliefs, your desired lifestyle, and your family’s needs. Nurture yourself by recognizing what fulfills you and what doesn’t. Burying your desires for the sake of your children doesn’t help anyone, least of all your kids. They’ll see right through it and sense your inner frustration.

The hardest part of taking care of yourself is putting you first.

The healthiest, happiest parents I know are the ones that balance their needs with the needs of their family.

They never play an all-or-nothing game.

And we shouldn’t, either.