5,585.

For 3 years (almost exactly to the date) I have been either pregnant or nursing. No breaks.. constant care for another human. A love hate relationship with being the one source for everything these little humans needed. Always on call.

Carrying two babies in two years was probably one of the harder things I’ve done. Having someone need you in such a meaningful and crucial way is beyond taxing, but also an enormous blessing. I got to bond with my babies in ways no one else could and at times when it felt like the whole world was sleeping.

Saying goodbye to the breast pump, and nursing tops, and pumping bottles, and nursing pads is more emotional that I expected. I will never have this connection again. I will also never be needed or on call every 3 hours again. I have my freedom back. My babies don’t need me anymore.

Looking back at my feeding app I am amazed by how long I have actually spent nursing and providing for all my little humans. 5,585 times for a total of 1,510 hours and 52 minutes (nearly 63 DAYS) nursing my 4 babies. 278 times pumping (that I tracked) for a total of 14 gallons and 43 ounces (or 1,835 ounces) of milk. My motherhood journey in black and white. The sacrifices, the commitment, the time - the blessings - of providing for my babies. 5,585 opportunities to bond with my babies. 5,585 times I chose them over myself (some reluctantly in full transparency). Many sleepless nights, countless foggy days, 9 years of blurred memories. 5,585 times, but only one where I knew it was my last.

#NursingMama #NoRegrets #WorthEverySecond #Bittersweet #FindANewBeginningInEveryEnding

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