I wish my birth daughter’s adoptive parents would have told me, “We are grateful for you. We love you.” Those words would have made a world of difference in my life. Those words would have lifted my soul in times of doubt and darkness.

The pain I endured from making an adoption plan was worthy of their gratitude. The sacrifice I made that allowed them to become a family was worthy of their appreciation for me.

I don’t write these things to condemn, but rather to remind all adoptive parents: Be grateful to your child’s birth mom.

Tell her over and over again so that the sentiment is permanently engrained in her mind.

Tell her she is valued within your family.

Tell her that her sacrifice doesn’t go unnoticed.

Tell her she is loved as much as your adopted child.

Tell your adopted child that his/her birth mom is a rare and beautiful gift.

Tell her these things, because she deserves your utmost respect and gratitude. Are we, as birthparents, difficult to love? It doesn’t matter. We are worthy of love, regardless.

When I became an adoptive mom years later, I remembered the words that I never heard as a birth mom. So, I want my son’s birth mom to know today and always:

I am grateful for you.

I am so honored that you chose us as adoptive parents.

I cherish you.

I care about your well-being and happiness.

I love that you are a member of our family.

I am in awe of the sacrifice you made.

I am amazed by your grace and love, especially when I’ve failed you.

I love all the ways that you love our son.

I value your thoughts, opinions and ideas.

I feel honored to be a part of your life.

I am inspired by your courage and strength.

I am your biggest fan.

I love you.

Forever Grateful,

Adoptive Mom