Photo Credit: Portraits Done Perfect

To my dearest daughter Azariah,

While I hope you will never have to read this letter, as I watch you grow another year older today, I know I must prepare you for what may unfortunately come.

Photo Credit: Portraits Done Perfect

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I was filled with both excitement and fear. Your two older brothers were thrilled about your upcoming arrival. And your father was elated and said to me what any husband would say to his expectant wife, “As long as we get a healthy baby I don’t care if it’s a boy or girl,” he shouted with glee. But for me, that just wasn’t true. Another boy, I could handle, but the thought of having a girl scared me. Not because of all of the old wives tales about girls being harder to raise, but because knowing I could possibly pass Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and all of its awful symptoms to my girl child frightened me to my core.

So to my dear daughter, if you ever have to read this letter,

I’m sorry...

I’m sorry that this disorder that impacts 1 in 10 women chose me.

I’m sorry that PCOS may be hereditary and that your life may also impacted.

I’m sorry your doctors may not have a clue how to help you manage your PCOS symptoms.

I’m sorry that there will be times when PCOS will have a negative impact on your mental health.

I’m sorry that there may also be times when this disorder may cause you to underestimate your own abilities.

I’m sorry that the awful symptoms that come along with PCOS may cause you to have body image issues.

I’m sorry that your friends may be able to lose weight, but no matter what you do you just may not be able to ever get down to a size 2.

I’m sorry you may have physical symptoms that may cause people to point and stare.

I’m sorry that there may be days when your body is riddled with pain but your doctors won’t find anything wrong with you.

I’m sorry that your menstrual cycles may have a mind of their own.

I’m sorry that PCOS may make it harder for you to have children.

I’m sorry there may also be a chance that you too will pass PCOS on to your own daughter.

And

I’m sorry that PCOS awareness, research, and funding are still lacking so your medical treatments and health options are so uncertain.

Photo Credit: Portraits Done Perfect

But let me tell you what I’m not sorry for. I’m not sorry I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on April 7th, 2009. And I’m not sorry that I was chosen to be your mother.

It’s taken me years of failed medical treatments, therapy, reading books like “A Patient’s Guide to PCOS: Understanding— and Reversing — Polycystic Ovary Syndrome,” and meeting Cysters like Alma Torres, Sasha Ottey, Ashley Levinson, Felice Gersh, and Sharmene Smith, and many others, to finally come to realize that I/we can beat PCOS.

So, if you’re ever diagnosed, there’s no need to search for reasons why this happened to you or to me. No need to assign blame or find explanations. And, there is no need to ever let your PCOS diagnosis stop you from accomplishing everything your heart desires. Just remember on those days when you’re not feeling very strong and PCOS has gotten the best of you that there are so many cysters out there including your mother fighting with you and for you.

Love your mother.

Photo Credit: Portraits Done Perfect

Are there any other mothers out there who have been diagnosed with PCOS and share this fear?