If you want your kids to be kind, you must model kindness. It’s that simple. But as we all know simple is not always easy.

Sometimes, it’s hard to be kind. When you are stretched to your limits and everyone needs your attention at once. When you are at the grocery store with two cranky children and you get in the line with the new, very slow, cashier. When you come home to an even bigger mess than when you left. Or, when you think you can’t handle one more moment of tiny human hands tugging on you. These are the moments when kindness is the last thing on your mind. When you snap and speak harshly at your children, your partner, or (sometimes all the above) blare your car horn at strangers.

The true measure of kindness is not when we are at our best, but when it’s difficult to be kind. Kindness is practicing patience and empathy with strangers even when we can’t understand their challenges. Even harder, it’s doing the same day in and day out with those closest to us. It’s apologizing when we do something to hurt someone, even when we think we did nothing wrong. It’s giving thanks for what we have in this moment, and helping others who may have less. Kindness is forgiving yourself for your own perfect imperfections.

So, be kind. Start by being kind to yourself. As always, your kids will follow your lead.