Brene Brown said it best, “I know my life is better when I work from the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can.” This was the quote that our Pastor used opening his sermon a few weeks ago, and it has resonated with me ever since, and was the topic around our family dinner conversation Saturday night. Think about this for a minute, can you identify a person that you think isn’t doing their best?

No one came to the forefront of my mind. I suppose you can analyze this question through a different lens as a CEO, manager, World Leader, or a student that is working on a group project, but think about the question again. How can you single out one person, just because you think they’re not doing their best. Maybe they are doing ‘their’ best.

I wrote a chapter in my book about being a ‘work in progress’, and I think when deeply analyzing this question, everyone is doing their best, no matter if you’re 20, 50, 70 or 100, but are they confident? My assumption is to do your best, and be your best, you have to be confident. It’s a fairly simple formula, isn’t it?

I talk to women everyday about how they’re working towards being their best self, but sometimes feel they’ve lost their confidence. Life after 40 and beyond is a challenging time. At times you struggle with how you’re needed, or how your role has shifted. Do you check those boxes? Heck, yes, I do! So, how do we find our confident self?

Maybe you’ve been in the trenches raising your kids, or worked tirelessly day after day, and are at the pinnacle of your career, and are spending too much time focusing on others, and worrying about if they’re doing their best; when actually we need to refocus on ways to find our confident self. It’s as if you got a new prescription for your glasses. It’s blurry at first, you’re a bit dizzy and then everything comes into focus.

How can we become more confident? Why does it seem like some people seem to have this confidence thing nailed? Here are the characteristics of women that are at their best, and exude confidence that we can apply to our lives, so we can be our best and do our best and be confident in ourself.

Be proud of yourself.

It doesn’t mean you’re being boastful, it simply means that you have reached a point where you understand your dreams. You have a plan in place, and are accountable for achieving them. You are unstoppable. It’s not wearing a medal or a badge that says, I’m proud of myself, it’s simply being your own cheerleader.

We rise by lifting others.

span class="Apple-converted-space"> Because it’s true. When I think of the women that exude the most confidence, it’s because they’ve realized that collaboration over competition is the real deal. Don’t blow out someone else’s candle, yours won’t shine brighter.

Embrace your imperfections.

A person that is doing their best and being their best, fully realize that social media is everyone’s highlight reel, and not ‘real’. On a recent podcast interview, one of the topics discussed was dressing the body we have now, not the body we wish we had, or the body we had 20 years ago. That ain’t gonna happen, ladies. Honor yourself by embracing your imperfections and exuding confidence.

What not to say, “I’m just or I’m sorry”.

Have you ever heard a woman say, “I’m sorry” or “I’m just”. Okay, if you haven’t you’re living under a rock. Let’s make a ‘lady pact’ on this one, and only say those things if and when we actually do something WRONG. Let’s not get caught up the false validation that it’s making someone feel more comfortable. As Rachel Hollis says, “Stop apologizing”.

When is the last time you screwed up? You completely did something wrong. You said something you regret, or you didn’t finish something you started. Guess what? It’s okay. It’s better than okay. To be honest, it’s your moment of brilliance. Because you stood up and said, “Hi, I’m Amy and I screwed up”. That takes confidence right there…and you know what…you learned something along the way… and you just start again. Living forward.

So, are you doing your best? Are you being your best self? Step back, take a deep breath, and get ready to take on the world with confidence. Your best, confident self! You’ve earned it. One day at a time. We are all a work in progress, and we are all absolutelyfrickinahhhmazing! (I’m telling you…use that word in Scrabble…at this age we’ve earned it, and it’s in your dictionary of commonly used words)