Recently there have been several viral news items about teenagers being called out for wearing “inappropriate” clothes to school. Typically, it seems to go something like this: The student is called into a private meeting and becomes highly insulted when the principal states the obvious, "Excuse me I think your butt cheeks are hanging out of you shorts." Then the parents get involved and here it goes! “Who do you think you are telling my child what to wear! MY child can wear whatever they want, whenever they want! This is because she's a girl, isn't it? I won't have you..."

Huh?

What happened to parents not sticking up for their child in the face of idiocy? What happened to telling your child when they are making poor choices instead of supporting the bad ones? What happened to having rules? What happened to, “There is no way in hell you are leaving this house looking like that!” What happened to, “Because I’m your mother and I said so!” (#80’sparent)

I grew up in the age of Madonna and had a friend that regularly went to school sporting half shirts, micro minis and torn fishnet stockings. I thought she was the coolest girl ever… My mother thought she looked like a hooker. Before school I would sneak behind the garage and change out of my boring jeans into my own hooker outfit, until one day my mother caught me.

I'm 50 and I'm still grounded.

What happened to a time and a place? What happened to saying, “Listen Honey, I know this may be hard to believe but there are times when some clothing adjustments need to be made for two simple reasons: 1) common sense and 2) respect. It’s easy, really, before you leave the house just think to yourself, "Where am I going? Church? School? Grampy’s 80th birthday party? A job interview? Is the interview at Hooters or the White House?"

I am not conservative (although as I get older and spend more time dealing with adolescents I do wonder about this) or a misogynist and I am looking forward to the first female president (When?!) however if she shows up to a NATO conference sporting Daisy Dukes and a tube top I think I will need to question her judgment. Going to the beach? Want to wear a thong? Ok, wear a thong (Wish I could). Want to wear that teeny bikini to school, no. Just no. Want to go out clubbing with your besties and wear a miniskirt so short others can admire your down under grooming practices? Go for it. Want to wear that outfit while you are living under my roof? Uh, hell no.

Why?

Because.

Because I am your mother and I said so.

Don’t worry, I am all for equal rights and believe me if your brother swaggers downstairs wearing low riding shorts with his derrière sticking out you can bet your free-showing a** I will say the same thing to him that I say to you, “Over my dead body.”

I agree with you, my sweet think-you-know-everything-pushing-the-limits- adolescent- that women should be able to wear whatever they choose without restrictions… except those imposed by their mother and lucky you, you have me as a parent and I can tell you right now no child of mine is going to school with her cheeks sticking out of her shorts and not because of anything a teacher or principal might say, but because of what I, your mother, will say.

Now go change or you'll be late.

Oh, and have a good day, I love you.

(The original article ran on Bluntmoms, 2016)