Cautiously hopeful.

Day in and day out, we are cautiously hopeful.

Not hopeless. Our light could be right around the corner.

Cautiously hopeful.

Infertility after our miscarriage hurt. Devastating! An event one can really never fully understand. The year of trying after that was the lowest of lows. It led us to a specialist. Long story short and a few medications later, we were blessed with a beautiful daughter.

It was a year after she was born when we decided to grow our family. To be honest, I expected we'd probably need to take the same medication to conceive, but that'd be doable!

That was three years ago. Nothing could have prepared us for the journey we've been on since then.

Secondary infertility was new to me. It is so hard to fully grasp the concept and even harder to know how to react to it. We have a beautiful, healthy daughter. Am I selfish to want another child when others cannot even have one? But then I look at my daughter, and with every ounce of my being I want to give her a sibling. I want to give her someone to grow up with, someone to lean on when no one else understands, someone to play with in the backyard, someone to argue with about whose turn it is to pick the movie. The reality of not being able to give her that breaks my heart.

Secondary infertility has now brought us into the middle of our one and only IVF cycle. I say one and only because my body and the well-being of my family need to put the heaviness of the past three years behind us. It's a one-time deal for us. You see, it takes a toll on everyone, and it is time to move on one way or another. We need to say no more shots, no more doctor visits, no more waiting on test results, no more juggling schedules, no more. So, with the guiding hand of God, we move forward with IVF. We believe God's plan is being fulfilled. We pray we find the peace in that plan. We wait.

We are cautiously hopeful.

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