21 years ago this month my husband and I got married.

We were just 22 years old.

Babies.

Mere wisps of the adult versions of ourselves we would each eventually become.

And it was hard.
Like, move across the country, build a house, start a career, and then leave it all, and move back home because you might get a divorce hard.

But, some things are worth saving.

And so, we went to work on us.

We learned how to disagree respectfully.
We learned how to hear each other.
We learned how to lean into the relationship instead of out of it.
We learned how to prioritize connection and fun.
We learned how to find space for ourselves as individuals while making space for our relationship.

And it wasn’t easy.

There were days when our love felt big and grand - capable of defeating anything that came our way.
There were days when our love felt like a distant unreachable memory.

But each day, even the bad days, we showed up and continued to choose each other.

Over and over again.

And this year, to celebrate 21 years together we didn’t get on a plane and travel somewhere tropical, or get a room at our favorite hotel in the city, or have dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Instead we stripped away the fancy and celebrated the ordinary.

We took the day off from work, did the school drop off together, went to the gym, and then spent the day together doing the simple things that somehow define us - watching an artsy movie, binging a new tv show, making craft cocktails, ordering Thai food, working on a puzzle, and showing up as parents to our teenagers.

Because nurturing your relationship doesn’t have to cost money or require fancy trips or involve always being serious.

Sometimes it just means showing up.
Sometimes it just means trying.
Sometimes it just means holding on
Sometimes it just means forgiving.

Sometimes it just means celebrating the ordinary.