Whether you are a first time Mom or an old pro, a new adventure has begun!

As a first-time Mom, I was all consumed with what I wanted my idea of motherhood to look like. I envisioned my “happy, healthy” family on vacation, playing in the backyard, cheering on my son or daughters school activities, as we all do when we find out we are having a child, especially first-time Moms.

But all those ideas quickly vanished the moment I found out my son was born with a congenital heart defect. I couldn’t get past the idea of him having open heart surgery at 6 months old or having a scar on his chest the rest of his life!

Until the “real” news came when we discovered he had Trisomy 21...Down Syndrome!

Wow, now that was a wrecking ball we just got hit with!

Seriously, how does one prepare for being told your child will have a disability for the rest of their life? I was still dealing with the emotions from my son’s heart issues and all that would entail, now there is something else? Honestly, it was too much.

I really never got to experience the “true happiness” a mother feels when giving birth.

I never really bonded with my son, like I watched on all those "taking home baby shows" because we were dealing with a medical crisis. So happiness was not the first emotion that came over me. Scared was the immediate emotion that filled me. Making sure my son was going to live was the only priority for my husband and I at the time.

Even now that he is 12 years old, healthy and thriving. Even though we get to enjoy family vacations, swimming in our pool, cheering on my son at Special Olympics swim meets or watching him sing at school chorus recitals like I envisioned, I have never really found “my own happiness of being a Mom“.

I am absolutely proud of him and love him more then words can say, and would do anything and everything for him, but I am still trying to find myself that got lost in the world of Down Syndrome.

So I look at it as, when life gives you lemons, you decide you want to make orange juice and leave the world wondering how you did it !

And for now I am happy with the orange juice and all that comes with that! I may from time to time throw a few splash of vodka in it, but at least that orange juice is mine!