Dear Doctor, I need you!

I need you to diagnose my mother with Alzheimer's. I need you to ask her during her Well Check specific questions so that you can see the warning signs of dementia earlier. I need you to take action and be her health advocate so that when Alzheimer’s becomes a reality, you will have already given my mom all of the tools, resources and support that she needs before she forgets who you are, forgets who I am and forgets who she is.

I need you to do this for my mom and for our family so that we can come together and be prepared to learn how to better live with Alzheimer’s and not suffer from the darkness of this devastating disease. I need you to speak up when she can’t. I need you to say the difficult things so that together, as a family, we can face Alzheimer’s as warriors and not as victims.

After watching a recent episode of This is Us, I burst into tears watching the main character, Rebecca and her grown daughter, Kate. After a long day at a retreat, mother and daughter sat poolside talking and re-connecting. Rebecca said to Kate,

“I've been having some memory issues lately...nothing is certain but they did diagnose me with something called mild cognitive impairment which could eventually lead to dementia or Alzheimer's ..I'm fine, we don't know where this will lead yet and if anything, the diagnosis has made me feel more powerful...and more fun because I'm not sweating the small stuff."

Wow, that sweet, tender, vulnerable moment hit my like a ton of bricks. Oh how, I wish my mom had been able to have that conversation with me. Oh how I wish that we had known this disease was coming, what the warning signs were, what to look out for before it was too late. We could have been better prepared. We could have made better health decisions for my mom including her early medications, nutrition, and exercise and future “homes” in Memory Care. More than anything, we could’ve chosen to have more fun.

Instead, our journey was much different. As I first wrote in, “Her Heart Remembers: The Doctor’s Office,” we were completely unprepared for the long journey ahead. We were thrown in the deep end without swim lessons, or a safety vest or a raft and we were drowning for many, many years. Gratefully, I was able to come up for air, reach out to organizations like Women’s Alzheimer’s Movement, Alzheimer’s Association and even changed the trajectory of my career by accepting the role of Executive Director for Alzheimer’s Disease Association of Kern County. ADAKC is an adult day service where you can confidently take your loved one with dementia, Monday through Friday, 7am to 5pm. Oh how I wish that our family had learned about this sacred space earlier in my mom's Alzheimer's journey. She would have loved the staff, the activities, the friendship!

Dear Doctor, I need you to do this for mom and maybe someday for me because I refuse to have my children watch me fade away for eight years or more without the tools they will need to survive a disease where there are currently no survivors.

According to Alzheimer's Association:

There are 5.8 million Americans living with this disease, one in three seniors dies with Alzheimer's or another dementia, more than 16 million Americans provide unpaid care for their loved ones with Alzheimer's or other dementias and in 2019, these caregivers will provide an estimated 18.5 billion hours of care valued at $234 million dollars!

Yes, it is a health care crisis but early diagnosis can help! Reports state that only 16% of seniors say they receive regular cognitive assessments. What? That's crazy! Can you imagine only 16% of heart patients seeking help for their heart health? Or only 16% of cancer-related patients reaching out to their doctors for chemo or radiation? No way. We have to push early diagnosis and start these conversations earlier.

Thank you, Doctor. I know there is a lot that we ask of you as your patient. Please help me, help my mom and the millions of other loved ones diagnosed with Alzheimer's or other dementias every 65 seconds.

The truth is my dearest doctor, I need you and you need me.

Dementia is too massive to face alone. Yes, I need you because it's too late for my sweet mama who left this earth after eight long years of battling this disease. But, it's not too late for other mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives. It's not too late to help them, help their loved ones. It's not too late to change the conversation around Alzheimer's. It's not to late to shed light on early diagnosis and be the light to others impacted by the darkness of dementia.

It's not too late...to better care for each other on the Alzheimer's journey.

Sincerely,

An Alzheimer's Daughter