Do you ask your children if they are living their life in a way that reflects who they want to be? Do you wait to ask when an incident involving them arises, or do you make it a routine? Do you ask when they bring up things that happen to other kids? Adolescence is hard on all kids. I remember. You couldn’t pay me to go back to sixth grade. No way. No how. But how do you talk to your children?

Do you talk to them about the importance of treating those more venerable with respect and care? Or do you rely on the fact that you are raising them right. That they “know better” ? Because, I guarantee you, even if they are raised right and know better, there will be a time. One moment, maybe on the playground or the locker room or the cafeteria. One moment, where they will have a choice. Do I? Or don’t I?

Even “good kids” choose I do. They choose in that moment to target a kid because he or she won’t get it. That’s when it stops being “kids being kids.” And friends being silly stupid. This is bullying. Even good kids can be bullies. Is yours?

Anytime something comes up where my kids talk about things that happen on the playground or things they’ve heard. We take a moment to talk about who they want to be. Do they want to be the type of person who stands up and speaks out even if though it’s not going to make them popular? I hope that I’m raising my boys right. I hope that they are “good kids.”

But, what if they too choose in that moment to decide to do the wrong thing? What then? How will I handle it? My husband and I actually have a plan, believe it or not. This is something we talk about. Maybe we talk about it in anticipation, not of my kid being on the giving end, but the receiving. Maybe our plan is kind of like a little prayer. Maybe its a little whisper to the universe saying, please let other mamas and daddies know. Please let them know that my kid is not less than. Please let them know this so that if when my child is bullied they talk to their children about who they want to be. Please let them teach their children well.

This post originally appeared on my blog Autism In Our House.