Are you a parent? Are you tired of the internet and people around you being all judgey because you parent in a certain way? Tired of reading a million articles about the myriad of ways people think you’re terrible at raising children?

Then look no further! This fill in the blank article will fulfill all your complaining needs about how obnoxious the world is for modern day moms and dads. Whenever you want to feel strongly about how you’re doing with those little minions you’ve created, come back and read this, and it will make you feel vindicated. Here we go!

Don’t Judge Me Just Because I ____________.

You. Yeah, you. I see you. Casting sideways glances at me as my child does __________________ in public. Screw you, man! Raising kids is hard, and I love the little monsters! You think this is so easy? Just because I gave my kid __________milk/formula when they were little doesn’t make me a bad parent. Maybe you should rethink your life if you’re spending all that time judging me, huh? Shaddup.

Oh, and by the way, I am well within my rights to let my kid watch _________ and read ____________. That’s the way I parent. In the words of my child, “Leave me the _____ alone!” Yeah, my kid uses words like that. Not your problem, is it?

And while we’re at it, just because my child spends their day at _____________ has nothing to do with how they’ll be as adults. I’ll raise them exactly as I see fit, and its nonya businez, ya dig? The fact that I let my kids do __________________ at this age is also none of your concern. They’re doing just fine, thank you very much.

I get that we all have opinions. If any internet comments section has taught me anything that is literally the only lesson you can find there. When it comes to parenting my child, though, you can back the _______ off. They are healthy, happy, and thriving, no matter how many _______________ I let them eat every day.

Please kindly mind your __________ business, and I’ll mind mine.

Also if you don’t mind watching the kids for a bit while I nap, that would be _____________.