Finding your people

“Find people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time them.

It will change your life”.

Amy Poehler

Since launching Fearlessly Facing Fifty and building a community of strong women, it has become even more evident to me how critical women are of the way they look. “I’m so much heavier than I was last year.” “Look at these age spots on my hands”. My neck is so wrinkly”.

Let’s face it. We are older. To be honest, we get tired easier, and it’s hard to keep up with those ten years younger. Society continues to put pressure on women to look a certain way. I watched the Oscars with great admiration for the talented nominees, but the constant striving for perfection, in movies, magazines and let’s be honest, sometimes the company we keep can be unhealthy. It’s absurd and unrealistic to think that 50 is the new 30. I have chosen at this stage of life to opt out of certain circles, and to stand up and fire my inner critic.

Of course, we should do our best to feel and look amazing. Stand tall and exude our best, confident self. Being our best, confident self is simply celebrating what we have and where we are. I’m fifty and to be honest, I wouldn’t want to go back to being thirty. I’ve been told that the decade between fifty and sixty goes incredibly fast, so I’m going to treasure all that it brings my way. I’m going to take care of my body and my mind. My goal is to continue learning, eat well, take care of my skin (something my mom always did), read, and surround myself with those that love me for who I am. I’m embracing this age and all it brings along the way.

I often reflect that those that love me, love me for who I am. My husband and kids don’t care if I’m not as fit as I used to be, if I’m working to stay healthy. My friends don’t mind if the crease in my forehead is bigger, or my legs aren’t as toned. They wouldn’t waste a moment on those ridiculous thoughts that sometimes fill our minds, because they love me for who I am, and for the love I give them in return.

Surround yourself with people you admire.

Here is a challenge for you. Spend a moment and think about the people that surround you.

Surround yourself with like minds. Surround yourself with people that care about you. It is said that the five people you spend the most time with are a reflection of the person you are.

Who are your five?

What do they value in you? Ask them that question.

Do they love you for you? Do they accept and embrace your imperfections? If they are accepting and supportive of you, as is, those are your people. If you find those around you aren’t accepting of your imperfections, reconsider those relationships.

At times I struggle with this, and have to make decisions about friendships that are not easy, but I am working hard to surround myself with people that fill my cup, and in turn I do the same for them.

On days when I feel myself spending too much time in self-doubt, I step back re-evaluate and check in on a few things. Am I eating well, am I sleeping, am I challenging my mind? In those moments, I take a deep breath, get outside for some fresh air, and recalibrate. If you genuinely take time to do what is best for your mind, body, and soul, and surround yourself with those who want the best for you, the rest works itself out.