Making friends as you get older seems more complex and more challenging, which seems funny since we learn so much about who we are as the years go on. When you have child with a disability, it feels like a complete mystery if you will ever find the mom friends that hear you and understand your life.

Look for these ladies if possible.

1. The been there done that, mom.
She has walked through this life, and her children are older. She tells you that all your feelings are valid and gives you light that comes with time and experience. She also doesn't judge the hard that you live each day. She might have worried as much as you, she might still worry as much as you, but her worry has shifted to a completely different mind space than you are living. She will give you hope through diagnosis, teens years, and transition to adulthood. She lives and understands your struggles as a mother. She is like a warm hug on dark days and a resource of endless insight.

2. The fierce take on the system mom.
She will tell you all the steps to fight off those crazy IEP's, medical appointments, and doubts that surround you if you are making any proper decisions. She will shout to the roof at the broken system and let you know you can shout too. She will hold your hand as you walk into appointments and ask questions about the details after. She will make you feel grounded as a mother through the fights that come through each phase of your child's life. She will give you power when you feel like you have none left.

3. The gentle cry it out with you mom.
Her kids are around the same age as yours. She listens to you cry over all the lost moments and feels deep to her core about your intimate feelings about motherhood. She gives you tips on things she is learning each day and lets you know you are not alone. She will surround you in understanding and nod her head with a tear in her eye as you take each step of the road together.

4. The loud and proud mom.
She will give you the details on all the no sleep, particular food choices, and hot mess mom moments with no filter. She spits it to you straight and makes you feel seen and heard. She knows that sometimes a five-minute bathroom break looks like a cocktail on a beach somewhere from your past sunset vacations. She gives you tips on cozy leggings, dry shampoo, and what to pack to survive a day out. She will speak about dishes in the sink with such honest poetry that you will laugh your way through your quiet struggles. She will also give you a deep perspective on who you are as a person as you feel as if who you once were is no longer there.

5. The write a letter, call a senator, make a list, take action, mom.
She will Google till the ends of the Earth to help you find answers you haven't yet tried for sleep, eating and safety products. She will help write a letter highlighting your soul about how you are feeling and bullet points on action plans. When society beats you down, she will suggest contacting a senator to make a change. She helps you make a list of all the to-dos even if you don't get to check any of them off anytime soon. She shows up and is listening while quietly forming a list in her head. She feels your worn-down heart from all the steps you have to take and will rally with you so you know you can get it all done.

Finding Mom friends you can count on while parenting children can be like the candle you need when the power is out. Since we generally can't find lists like this that apply to us as parents of children with disabilities, we should start making our own. I am lucky to have the support of some fierce, strong, loving, special needs mom friends, and I wouldn't be able to learn as much as I have about my children without them.

I know this is easier said then done especially when you are feeling isolated I found my closest mom friends who also have autistic children online. Even the friends I have made in my area I found through online groups. Not every mom you will meet will be a good fit for you but that handful of women are out there waiting for you too!