As a parent coach, I am mostly booked with overwhelmed parents of teens who have clearly taken an oath to drive their parents insane, as well as bummed out new moms who didn’t realize what an energy drain and romance suck babies can be, who come to me for advice on how to get their “happy mojo back”. Recently, while talking with a new mommy client, she told me that if there was one magic pill to make her “happy again” it would give her the power to get her sex life back - while living in a one bedroom studio...with a “family bed”. Considering that I can’t even do it with my pets in the room, I had to really think about that one...so based on past notes and experiences, here’s what we came up with:

For starters; Unless you’re a howler or a screamer...naptime is best. But if you have toddlers or preschoolers A) you’ll need to get creative and B) SERIOUSLY?! You’ve waited way too long...it’s time to get busy!

Carpe Minutam - Seize the Minute! Now that you’re a new parent, gone are the long, luxurious sex marathons where you spend 48 hours in bed eating eggs Benedict and strawberries off each other’s naked bodies. These days, the only reason you have to spend a whole day under the covers is when you have the flu - hardly sexy. FORTUNATELY, you now get to turn finding opportunities to jump in the sac into a treasure hunt! All you need to do is seize the minute! It’s halftime, the baby just fell asleep...Touchdown! You wake up at 3am to pee...what’s five more minutes? Nothing good on TV but the little ones are content watching America’s got Talent? Meet me in the kitchen...

If you want to get your groove back, you need to stop planning for perfection and start grabbing those moments when they arise (no pun intended).

Start working out together - I HATE working out, but there is just something about my hot sweaty, heavy breathing man that just gets me well...hot sweaty and out of breath. Not only does it increase testosterone and endorphins which make us horny, if you’re really serious about it, it also simulates the same sounds as sex so you can easily justify the grunts a groans if little minds want to know...and if they walk in on you? PUSH UPS!

Create a sound track - Music inspires us to do and feel lots of things. Dancing is sexy and arousing, so why not combine the two and make a soundtrack of the music that gets you going or reminds you of a time when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Play it when you’re still awake and alert enough to dance in the kitchen or even think about sex...and then play it louder to muffle the sounds. My kids still think I sound like a cat when I sing to Maroon 5...enough said.

Prime the engine - Yes, I’m talking about "taking matters into your own hands" - so to speak. You know how when you don’t drive a car for a while, you need to start the engine every once in a while to keep it lubed up and running? Well, your sexy parts are kind of the same, so if you’re having a hard time starting up again...prime the engine and give it some gas. If you’ve recently healed from childbirth, get to know the new layout and notice if there are different places and ways you like to be touched. Let your honey know about your discoveries and before you know it, you’ll be revving it in no time.

Clean it up - Can’t find a minute to yourself when you’re both home and the kids aren’t asking for a glass of water or another bedtime story, or to be fed or played with or bathed or...parented? Take a shower! Think about it; you’re both naked, wet and slippery, anyway, it’s easy clean up, there’s probably a lock on the door and let’s face it...even if there isn’t one, tell them you’re going to wash their hair...there’s no way they’re coming in there.

Create your own code - Remember how you started spelling everything you didn’t want your kids to know about? Well, use that same spy technology to create your own foreplay language. We all know that kids won’t leave us alone if they know we want “alone time”...so if you are feeling frisky and want to let your significant other know that tonight is the night (or RIGHT NOW is the best its gonna get) ask them to help you “fold the laundry” wink wink, or “help you get something out of the car” -snicker, snort - It’s fun, playful and devious all at the same time. And once you get good at it, no one will give it a second thought when you ask your man to help you “move the carseat” at your cousins wedding reception, while your in-laws play with the kiddos...

Leave love notes - Your kids aren’t the only ones who appreciate finding notes from mom in fun places! Try putting an invitation to “desert” in your partner’s lunch box. A text message describing their “homework”. A packet of massage oil with directions for how you’ll use it, tucked in their gym bag. A flyer from the local florist left on their carseat...Sometimes, they need to KNOW we are ready and they need to be TOLD what we want to make it happen. You have recently changed in so many ways; your body, your energy levels, your patience and your emotions, your home and even your title. Why not make one of those changes “Being clear about what you want and need.”? When we tell each other what we love about each other, how much we appreciate each other and that we still desire each other, the “how,when and where” of sex becomes as easy as “Doing the dishes” wink wink...