Another Christmas goes by without her...

Five weeks... that’s all it was

Five weeks from living life to dying...

Five weeks...just five weeks...

Grief...

Nineteen months have passed since my cousin died at the age of forty-nine.

Grief...

Nineteen months of taking pause, to possibly hear a faint whisper of her touching of my soul...

Grief...

Nineteen months knowing, as a family, we need to rise up, and support each other, while also walking forward along a new path of life...

Grief...

Too many months thinking she will walk through the door with her strawberry blonde hair waving in the wind, smiling and giving everyone blessings with her sweet voice.

Grief...

Too many months turning our faces towards the sun, seeking out some hope, some refuge, some breath of life...

just as the sunflower seeks out warmth and hope as the sun rises each dawn.

Grief...

Life is unfair...

Life is cruel, cancer is brutal...

But my friends, life does move forward.

Hope...

We may want to get stuck...

But being stuck doesn’t allow life to breathe into our cells.

Hope...

So, as the sunflower turns towards the sun for light and a depth of warmth,

we too need to continue on, as difficult as some days may be and let the shining sun fill our souls.

Hope...

I will continue to hold close the “god winks” that she delicately places within our world when we so desperately need to feel her grace.

Hope...

As Christmas is upon us, my precious cousin will once again be missed...

We will long for her laughter and her warm embrace that is not felt in our physical state,

but take comfort, as we raise our voices and flickering candles quietly singing,

“silent night, holy night,

all is calm, all is bright.”

Hope...

So once again, as I glance at my sunflower bracelet,

celebrating her life, along with every woman in my family who wears one,

may we once again, be reminded of my beautiful cousin,

turning her face towards the warmth that carried her home...

“...sleep in heavenly peace.”