My husband and my journey to parenthood was not an easy one. It took us close to four years to finally get pregnant. We spent thousands of dollars, countless hours at the fertility clinic and hundreds of injections and medications. I always told people the hardest thing I've ever had to go through was infertility. That was before my twins were born. Little did I know the hardest part was still to come.

When I found out I was pregnant with twin girls I had to pinch myself daily just to make sure it wasn't a dream. I couldn't believe it was actually happening. God had finally answered our prayers and given us a double blessing. Every time I felt the babies moving I would stop everything and take that moment to just feel them. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

I went in for a routine ultrasound at 31 weeks. My perinatal specialist took my blood pressure and immediately knew I needed to be hospitalized. I can't even remember how high my blood pressure was now. Everything from that moment on still feels like a blur. The doctor said I had severe preeclampsia. Fast forward only 2 hours later and I was in recovery from an emergency c-section. That whole day felt extremely unreal.

My girls were born at 3lbs 3oz and 3lbs 6oz. They were taken directly to the NICU from the operating room and I never got to see them. For 27 hours after they were born all I had was pictures from my husband's phone and a piece of paper with their footprints on it. That was the first of so many experiences I feel I was robbed of as a new mom.

When I finally was able to go see my babies all I could do was look at them through a plastic window. They were so tiny and helpless. It was the scariest day of my life. Then, my hospital stay ended, but theirs was only beginning. I will tell any mom that has a baby in the NICU, the absolute worse day is the day you are discharged and have to go home without your baby.

It was a struggle everyday to feel like I was being their mom. Its harder to bond when you can't hold your babies without wires and cords everywhere. The first time I tried to hold them both at the same time their wires weren't long enough to reach. One of my daughter's ended up having her picc line pulled (This involves a lot including chest xrays to correct and is very stressful on the baby). It made me nervous to hold them, and It would be almost a month later until I held them at the same time again.

It made it even more difficult for me to feel like I was giving enough to both babies equally. Some days I wondered if they even knew I was their mom. I felt guilty every second I was away from the hospital. I would feel offended and angry when people would congratulate me on the girl's birth. I didn't feel it was something to celebrate. I wasn't ready for them to be born yet.

After so many years of infertility I thought my feelings of envy towards pregnant women would go away after I had children of my own. However, after the girls were born I still felt that same feeling when seeing someone pregnant. I wished I could put them back and let them finish "cooking". I wished I could have protected them longer in me and I felt I had failed them.

We spent 50 days in the NICU. We have had our girls home with us for about 2 months now. They are still small but are amazing little fighters. Its miraculous to see how far they have come.

Having preemies is totally different than having a full term child and we are having to adjust our life accordingly. We know these adjustments are temporary and that our girls will continue to get stronger and stronger.

Our journey to parenthood has been anything but easy but it has definitely made us stronger in our marriage and as parents. We feel unbelievably blessed to have had so many outstanding doctors and nurses. They have been by our sides the whole way and allowed our biggest blessings to come true.

I have such a respect for all families who have had to be in the NICU. No matter what length of stay or circumstances it takes a lot of strength to be a NICU parent.