How much is too much when it comes to the freedom you give a tween?

How much is too much when it comes to the pressure you put on them to

always do the right thing,

get good grades in school,

find and maintain a hobby,

surround themselves socially with those that are "good" for and to them,

and TO NOT MAKE BAD DECISIONS OR GET IN TROUBLE?

that's a big one -

How much is too much affection and love?

At what point are you considered

overbearing

and

suffocating?

How do you decide where the line is between

1) allowing your child their God-given, age-warranted, and age-appropriate independence

and

2) protecting them for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is "not good for them" or harmful to their physical, mental, or emotional safety?

I have an eleven-year-old.

And she's amazing.

Like, truly, no bias

-- of course, there's bias, but I mean this with no bias as much as that's worth --

she's a stellar human.

And trustworthy.

And hardworking.

And good-natured.

She's kind.

She's smart.

And she's "got it together" compared to some kids her age.

But...ELEVEN...

that's her age.

Not 14.

Not 16.

11.

And in my opinion, eleven is just too young for

relationships,

social media,

and galavanting aimlessly about town without a parent, not necessarily in tow or visible, but nearby.

But alas,

not
everyone
agrees with me.

Go figure.

A lot of parents don't.

There are other parents out there, parenting as THEY see fit and giving their children more freedom.

Because parenting isn't "one size fits all."

I get that.

I understand that.

And yeah, of course, any grown adult raising a child into one of the same should trust their brain, gut, and heart and make decisions that align with those.

But it's tough for our kids when the odds aren't in their favor.

Like when they have friends whose parents let them do anything and everything they want,

but their parent won’t let them.

Not yet, at least.

'Cause, it's too soon.

And she is too young.

And it’s tough for them when they are pulling away,

even kindly,

yet we continue to push

ourselves,
opinions,
and wishes upon them.

And we do this BECAUSE

the world is a scary place.

Full of not-so-nice young and old people.

People with ulterior motives.

People who aren't looking out for them — not in the same whole-soul way we are.

People who don't have restrictions and encourage ours to fight like hell against hers.

And so what do you do?

What do you do as a parent of a tween who is,

VERY CLEARLY,

accepting

-- but not thrilled --

that she is residing in the in-between?

YOU REMAIN IN THE IN-BETWEEN WITH HER.

No matter how uncomfortable it is

…for either or both of you.

No matter how confusing it is

…for either or both of you.

And you

ride
the waves
together.

And you

take
the days
as they come

…together.

It's not easy being a parent. Duh.

It's not easy being a kid. No sh*t.

And it's not easy in the in-between.

But it's not supposed to be.

THIS is when you will learn so much about each other and yourselves.

THIS is when you will learn to trust each other and yourselves.

THIS is the time when mistakes will be made.

And forgiveness will be given.

And lessons will be learned.

THIS

is the here

and it's the now,

and it's all we have at present.

SO…

what I'm going to do with this stage,

is make it my home.

And I'm gonna pull up a chair and get comfortable.

Because

-- forever --

“home” is wherever my girl is.

*throwback photo to when parenting was easier, lol*