Everyone likes a good weight loss story—a before and after visual transformation going from a heavier, not-looking-so-happy version of before to a fitter, smiling and slimmer 20 pounds lighter after photo.

For many of us moms, we have a battle with our bodies that starts with dropping the baby weight to carving out time to exercise and eat right while polishing off a few of our kids’ leftover chicken nuggets. We will find time later, right?

Somehow, when we see other people’s weight loss success stories, it makes it seem possible that this can be us, too, if only we know how they did it.

Recently, I had to tackle my own pandemic pounds reality check and decided to shed 20 pounds. But this time, it wasn't about the number on the scale or a size; it was about not feeling like myself. I looked in the mirror and saw I wasn’t treating my outside as good as I was my mindset, and it was time for better overall wellness.

After working on tackling self-doubt, perfectionism, and people-pleasing, and finding true joy in acceptance, I realized that the best weight I ever lost was dropping the weight of mom guilt.

Are you carrying some excess mom guilt, too?

When our family of 4 doubled overnight to a family of 8 as we welcomed quadruplets, the mom guilt doubled as well as figuring out how to be fair, to divide my time equally, and try to give a normal childhood like the rest of the kids their age. If I didn’t measure up to what I thought other moms were doing better than me, I would let the mom guilt creep in and mentally beat myself up on how I should be doing a better job.

If you read my blogs, you know that being a travel advisor and having a love of travel, I always enjoy a good travel-related analogy.

The airlines charge an excess baggage fee if your bag weighs over a set amount. Trust me, I push the limits with my over-packing tendencies, but we can only take so much unless you are willing to pay the price for the heavy bag.

So, what is the excess baggage fee of the weight of the mom guilt you are carrying costing you?

Let’s talk about three ways we can drop the weight and feel lighter.

Tip the Scales - Find a Better Balance

Sometimes, as we help our children with their balance scale mass activity science project and help them experiment with objects that will equal out the scales, the question creeps in: “What am I doing about the balance in my own life?”

We can’t do it all, and we shouldn’t try. Be deliberate and purposeful and not just busy.

What if we experiment with what elements in life we can remove and add into our lives for a better balanced, productive, and happier person for our families.

Drop the ‘But’

Who doesn’t want to trim a little off our backside?

I know I do! So, while we want to drop the butt (wink wink), I’m talking about dropping the ‘but’ of an objection or a discounting of what you just thought or said, and adding the word, ‘and’.

For example:

I really should take better care of myself, but there’s not enough time in the day.

I’ve got a big project to complete at work, but what will the other moms think if I don’t show up for the parent meeting?

Wouldn’t it be great to hire a babysitter, go out with my spouse, and enjoy date night? But what if my kids miss me? It is time to drop the ‘but’ and replace it with the action we are going to do instead.

I'm going to start taking better care of myself and take a half hour to go for a walk each day.

I’ve got a big project to complete at work, and I'm unable to make the parent meeting.

Tonight, we are going to hire a babysitter and enjoy date night.

Shed and Shred- Excuses and Expectations

We all make excuses on why we should wait to do something (especially if it something that is about us and not our kids). Except, when you are running on empty constantly with nothing to give, you can’t be your best for those you love.

Did you find yourself telling yourself a version of something that you would get to later?

Perhaps you’ve said something like this to yourself:

When they are out of diapers or daycare, I’ll have more money to spend on other things.

When my kids start school, I’ll have time to work out and exercise.

When they start middle school and are more independent, I can get back to my career goals.

When they are in high school, I’ll have more time to complete that project I’ve been putting off.

When they head off to college, I can get back to my hobbies and interests.

You might not even realize that you are making excuses by setting timelines for yourself like this: You tell yourself that when you get to that next parenting chapter, you will then take action on some of the things you have put aside. You may not even know that you’re under a false illusion that getting to another phase in parenting will open up a hidden time portal of extra time until, suddenly, 10 years have flown by, and you aren’t even sure where they went.

It’s time to shed the excuses we make under the guise that being a good mom means you will put your interests, health, and wellness aside and pick it up later at a more convenient time.

Shred the expectations of what others think. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other moms and feel like when you don’t measure up that you are being judged?

Are you looking at photos on social media at other people’s parenting milestones and joys as a visual shaming of how you or your kids are doing or being enough?

Oofta, that is a big one.

One of the biggest things we can give our children as moms is the gift of acceptance. Acceptance for what they do and who they are instead of trying to use guilt as a tactic to do and become something we think they should be or want them to be.

It’s one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves as well—self-acceptance of who we are as people and that our path and purpose can be different from other moms.

To rest in the knowledge of our uniqueness, in who God made us uniquely and wonderfully to be.

Ahh, doesn’t that feel better? Do you feel lighter already?