I remember going into labor for the second time and wondering who was going to babysit my toddler so that I could give birth. I was squatting on the side of my bed searching my contact list for someone to help me out for a night or two while breathing through contractions that were less than 3 minutes apart. With every phone call I hesitated because I didn’t want to burden or inconvenience anyone else with my problems. This is what it’s like to walk this motherhood journey without a village.

Finally, after making a few calls and explaining why I needed someone to look after my son for just a couple of days, I was able to convince a distant family member to agree to babysit him. My now husband and I jumped in the car, drove over to drop him off and rushed to the hospital. Hours later, I welcomed a perfectly healthy and absolutely beautiful blue eyed baby girl into this world. Life stood still for a moment and I forgot about the fact that there was practically no help or support waiting for us.

Fast forward to the next day and I was already getting calls from my babysitter asking when I would be picking up my son. My response, as soon as I leave the hospital, and that’s exactly what I did. I picked up my son as soon as we left the hospital and to my disgust, he was filthy, sticky and covered in dirt. Tears filled my eyes because I should have been able to be at two places at once so that I could care for him, give birth to my baby girl and not need help I didn’t have. When you have no help or support, you constantly feel overwhelmed as you try to shoulder all of the weight of motherhood all on your own.

I came home, placed my sweet new baby girl in her bed and immediately began bathing my son, cooking dinner and throwing his filthy clothes in the laundry. I was exhausted, emotional and overwhelmed with sadness that there was no one there to help our little family. Sure, my husband did the best that he could but at that time, he was juggling his job as a Marine and a firefighter and didn’t have the freedom to stay at home with me. The only support we did have lived over 800 miles away. We needed a village to help us and unfortunately that wasn’t an option.

So what do you do when you have little or no support in motherhood?

1. DIG DEEP

I had to push pass the exhaustion and find strength deep inside of me to keep going no matter what. That strength was fueled by my love and commitment to be the best mom I could be to my children and to not allow the absence of others to rob my children of the mom they deserved.

2. FOCUS ON THE BLESSINGS

I could’ve easily become consumed with anger and sadness about the fact that I didn’t have a mother to take care of me or to help me care for my children. I could’ve gotten stuck on the fact that no one was there to help me with all of the stuff that comes along with a newborn, a toddler and a husband whose job is so demanding that it leaves little time for him to be home with his family. Staying stuck on what I didn’t have would have been even more tragic than my reality. Instead I chose to focus on the many things I was blessed with; healthy kids, beautiful home, good health and incredible strength to keep going. Focusing on the blessings kept me hopeful and encouraged.

3. BE OPEN TO BUILDING YOUR OWN VILLAGE

Does it suck not having the help you need in motherhood? Yep, sure does. Feel like you shouldn’t have to build your own village? You’re right, you shouldn’t have to, but this may be the solution to doing motherhood alone. I stopped waiting for the village to show up and instead started connecting with other moms, making friends and reaching out to mentors to create the circle of support I needed to help me through the challenging times.

Motherhood is a beautiful blessing and an awesome responsibility that is not meant to be done alone. Unfortunately for far too many moms, doing motherhood without help is their reality much like mine. I have learned that, we are stronger than we know and capable of doing much more than we give ourselves credit for. If you find yourself doing motherhood alone and without the support you need; dig deep because there is a well of inner strength to sustain you and don’t be afraid to reach out to build the village around you one connection at a time.

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