When your kid goes off to college, it’s scary – for you and, though they won’t admit it, for them. After all, your lives – and with it the world – are changing. That’s always a frightening thing to have happen. Suddenly they’re in a new environment, with new expectations and without the safety net of old.

That’s a heck of a lot to throw at somebody who was only a baby not so long ago.

Now, though it might not feel like it, as a parent you still have a lot of sway in this situation. And you can use that sway to make their life worse, by hammering away at how scary life outside the door is going to be, or you can try to make it better by being a voice of quiet confidence and dependability.

Don’t (cause) panic

Your instinct might be to do the former, because in that way you hope you might keep your baby a little longer. The thing is, you’ll probably achieve exactly the opposite. Because though you might indeed succeed in warning your baby about the many dangers that lurk out there, you’ll also manage to tar yourself with the same brush. You see, because you’re projecting fear and worry, you’ll get associated with fear and worry.

Now that’s not what you want, is it?

So does that mean you can’t tell your baby about the dangers of the world? No, it doesn’t. You can tell them. The thing that you have to make certain of, however, is that you don’t just instill fear but that you also make certain that your kid knows that you have faith in them to make the right choices decisions. Treat them like the adults that you want them to be and they might just surprise you by being those very adults.

If, on the other hand, you treat them like the children you think they are, then that is who they will remain.

Be their confidence

Don’t be the drama, don’t be the hysterics. Your kid already has enough to worry about that they don’t need to have to worry about your mental well-being as well. And yes, they should worry about your well-being. They should care more about how those around them are going to be affected, but the truth is we only have so much mental real estate and most of your kid’s focus right now is taken up with the adventures and horrors of the upcoming years.

Don’t fight fire with fire by demanding they pay more attention to you and the rest of the family. It will just make all of your lives worse.

Instead, be their even keel, so that if they don’t feel quite as confident as they are pretending to be, they feel they have a safe place to confide in you. If you can pull that off them moving away can actually make the two of you become closer.

That seems too hard with them disappearing out of your life forever? They’re not, you know. With all the technology around today they’re only a few finger movements away. And they’ll be back for holidays. Heck, they might very well be back a lot longer than that!

Take an interest in what they’re going to do

Want to make your connection stronger since the distance is longer? Take an interest in what they’re going to study. Today there are so many options to learn about the subject matters being studied in university without going to university. You can check out wikiversity, or follow online lectures.

By showing an interest and getting to grips with the basics, it will be much easier for your kid to talk about what they’re doing, which might just make it easier for them to talk about everything else. You can help them with their writing assignments and college papers, so that they don’t have to get help in other places. You can talk about benign topics so that they can work up to the real problems that they’re having.

Heck, try hard enough and they might even turn to you for help when they’re really struggling. And that’s exactly where a mom wants to be, right?

Conclusion

Parents are supposed to be our safe place. They’re the base from which we explore the world. There is no time when that is truer than when we’re going off to university. So make certain that you don’t disappoint your baby by folding up like a house of cards.

If you want your kids not to be nervous, be the pillar of strength that they need. Pull that off successfully and you might just find them returning to shelter in your shadow more often than you ever expected.