STEP 1

• Take a photo. Preferably one in which he is showered, dressed, and fed. Laugh and realize that is every morning while you are scrambling to get yourself and two kids out the door.

STEP 2

• Make him take his own damn photo and find your toddlers left shoe while he’s at it.

STEP 3

• Steal your phone back from your infant who is now using it as a teether. Take this time to remember your battery is at ten percent because you seriously considered throwing it at your husband during that 3AM nursing session.

STEP 4

• After a full charge and a very unflattering double chin selfie mistake, you go online. You begin writing a sale ad but get distracted. There’s a photo of a cat sleeping next to a baby and then you seriously consider having another baby. An hour goes by, you have a new list of celebrity-inspired baby names, and begin texting your husband the eggplant emoji.

STEP 5

• It’s noon and you still haven’t showered. You find his socks next to, but not in, the hamper. Again. With socks in hand, you finish writing the ad.

STEP 6

• You realize he looks very well rested in his photo and become angry. You then scroll through your camera roll to find a much more haggard version only to realize that would be bad for business.

STEP 7

• Now it’s time to decide on pricing. He’s handsome, makes cute babies, but can barely boil water. Do they need to know this? You wonder if selling your husband is like selling a car and if you need a history report. You find nothing online that says so but then start drafting a HUBBYFAX Shark Tank idea that you know Barbara Corcoran would love.

STEP 8

• Despite a Husband Selling Deadline, your in-laws come over. And as everyone watches you wrestle with two kids from their comfortable sitting position, you have a sudden urge to sell everyone.

STEP 9

• You’re ready to post. At the same time, your husband is folding the laundry without prompt and then offers to make dinner. You pause. Is he on to you?

STEP 10

• After a quick edit and a large glass of wine, you hit done. Maybe you won’t be selling your husband today, after all. But your in-laws are now listed two for one.