Are you okay? You seem lost. Do you know where you are?
It’s me…your husband…do you remember me?
I know that it must feel like you are in a foreign body, in an unknown land; but you are actually right where you are supposed to be, where you were made to be.
No this isn’t a joke, this is real life. What’s that you say, you need help? Okay….you want me to help you figure out who you are, I understand.
I can see that you are scared. I can see that you are unsure of the people around you. I can see that you’re not quite sure how all of this is supposed to work. But, you can rest assured and remain calm because I am here and I will help.
Why are you treading water? You’re not, it just feels that way. This stage of life can make you feel like you’ve gone overboard without a life raft, but you haven’t. And you do have a life raft — in me.
I can’t hear you, you are talking too softly…please speak up. Oh, okay, I hear you now. I hear you saying that you feel like you’ve lost your voice. But don’t worry, you haven’t. It can make you feel like that; unheard because your voice can get drowned out by all of the other noise. But don’t worry, because I hear you.
You’re hurting, is that what I just heard you say? You’re in physical pain and you’re exhausted? Yes, that may be the case. I understand, it can make you feel like that as well. Your body hurts because you have put it through a lot for the past nine months, and you will continue to do so for a while longer. I know that your body feels beaten down, but remember that you will feel better soon.
I’m sorry I missed that, what did you just say? You can’t even remember your name? Well, it’s a beautiful name…its Nicole. What’s that? You said you hear people calling you by a different name, over and over and over again? Ah, yes, that happens here too. You get assigned a new name that will stick with you for a very long while, if not forever. You will get used to it and really, I promise, at some point, you will love your new name.
Pardon, did you say that you don’t think you’re strong enough for this. Let me tell you just how ridiculously wrong you are about that. You are the strongest woman I know for pushing through this stage of life, and having the courage to seek the support you need — nothing is braver; no one is stronger.
Huh?! Did you just say that you are starting to remember who you are?!
YES! YES! YES!
You are right!
You are a MOTHER! A NEW MOTHER!
You are “MOMMY!”
You’re back and I am so happy to have you here with me.
Now come here…I need to say something else to you.
It feels damn good to know who you are again, doesn’t it? It also must feel damn good to have a spouse who is willing to save you when you are drowning in parenthood, especially as a new mother.
Nothing is comparable to how overwhelming it can feel to become a new parent. Nothing else can make you feel more lost, yet more complete at the same time. But, do you know what helps? Do you know what the saving grace is? It’s having the love of a husband, who is willing to jump in heart first, to save his drowning wife. You have that love. You have that will from me. I will forever be there for you, as you and I attempt to navigate this world of parenthood — now, when it’s new, and forever as our children grow.
Different stages of parenthood are on the horizon, and it is without a doubt that you will feel lost and drowned again. And sweetie, when that happens please reach for me and yell out, as my hand, my heart, and my listening ears will forever be here to help and support you.
I promise you this.