I come from a long line of women hurting women.
I come from a long line of women struggling to Mother.
I come from anger, pain, dysfunction, resentment, guilt, blame and shame.
I also come from love.
In all of those emotions, it is easy to let the negative ones prevail.
It's too easy to let the pain lead the brain.
It's much harder to look for the gifts.
It's much harder to let love shine a light.
It's much harder to embrace the flaws.
And we rise from the flaws.
We rise from the love wrapped inside of the pain.
The pain, if we invite it in and get to know it, can pave a path to forgiveness.
Forgiveness takes your hand and leads you to freedom.
Freedom allows you to break cycles.
Freedom allows you to love your Mama like she wanted to love you.
Freedom allows you to see the intentions and the soul behind the anger.
"Yes Mother, I see you are flawed, it is your greatest gift to me."
I go down the card aisle and not one seems to speak to me.
I am not interested in filling your head with fallacies.
I am not interested in saying things I don't feel.
I am not interested in pretending things were perfect.
I am interested in honoring your soul and your intentions.
I am interested in telling you, you matter to me.
I am interested in acknowledging that both good and bad can and do exist in the same exact story.
I am interested in letting you know that the good was beautiful.
I am interested in letting you know that the bad was important.
I am interested in letting you know that I remember dancing in front of mirrors and moments of true light heartedness.
It was in these moments that I saw your soul.
I am interested in letting you know that I remember your struggle with an independent child and your propensity to take it personally, and I understood, even then, that your intentions were love.
I must let you know that I SEE you Mama.
I have always seen you, and I see the little girl who wanted so much for her family, and had no map on how to get there.
If I could, I would hug this little girl until she knew she mattered.
If she knew she mattered, so much would have been different for you, for us.
I must let you know that you didn't fail Mama.
What you did was make mistakes, and show me that even then....there is love.
What you did was break some cycles, and show me how important it is to be a cycle breaker.
What you did was keep a family intact, believing that was your duty, until you could no longer stand beside him.
What you did was do your best to heal while raising three little ones, and pouring into them what you knew.
What you did was beautiful.
What you did helped me become me.
What you did was teach me about becoming my own loving parent.
What you did was encourage me to go inward for acceptance.
What you did was love me through your flaws.
What you did was create a human who looks for the gifts inside of the flaws.
This, Mama, is remarkable.
This is a gift in itself.
You are not perfect, you are my Mother.
There was no one more perfect to be my Mother.
Your imperfections shined a light so I could grow.
Your imperfections held a mirror so I could see.
Your imperfections remind me in times of failure, that the good almost always outweighs the bad.
Your imperfections led me to love you in the as is.
I will not wait to say it Mama.
I love you more today, then I loved you as a child.
Today I see you.
Kerry Foreman MA