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Challenge: WHO Are You?

I am somewhere in the middle

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I am a 36-year-old woman and yet, there are points of every day where I feel as though there is no possible way that 20 years have passed since I sang the words, "Hold onto 16 as long as you can..."

Life is funny like that. It feels like the older you get, the younger the elderly get. And the younger the young get. And here I am, somewhere in the middle. The middle of it all, it seems. Or at least I hope it's the middle.

That is a big step for me to say, that I believe this to be the middle-ish of my existence. Because two and a half years ago, I thought I was dying. I thought I was going to be dead as a doornail before my boys ever had a chance to slam the door in my face. I was a mother to three boys, at the time, 6, 4, and 2. A wife to one wonderful man. And I found out my breasts were attacking my body.

I thought I was going to die. I thought that my death would be due to these two mounds of fat, adorned with a nipple. And as if I hadn't cursed them enough when I was breastfeeding, I found myself wanting to goodbye to my girls ASAP.

It had never occured to me when I was holding onto 16, that by the time I was in the middle of my life, I would have aftermarket boobs, a c section scar, second generation hair, and more baggage under my eyes than an international flight but as the saying goes, we don't choose these things, they choose us, right?

But here I stand now, a survivor of cancer and the rigors of treatment, a mother to three beautiful boys. The daughter of two lovebirds. The wife of one of the finest specimen of dude on the planet Earth. Friend to a tremendous tribe. And sort of just in awe of it all.

I'm back in the middle of my life. And while this time of life -- the land of littles, the high fiving of my spouse between practices and lost sneakers and bedtime stories -- can feel like a bit of a blur, it is also one of the very best of all the times I've had. Even as my child screams "I WANT CHEEZ ITS" for 14 miles straight of a car ride. As another rolls his eyes at my suggestion to wear a coat because it's still winter in April. And as I continuously try to figure out how to balance three different personalities, I find myself feeling ever-grateful that I get to be here to do it.

I'm in the middle of it. Not on the sidelines. I'm living deep in my life, each day. And while I don't know what lies ahead, I feel like I am fearless to whatever that might be.

I'm a mother. A wife. A woman. And I'm just glad to be here. In the middle.

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