"I love you SO much, but will please fudgin' close your eyes!?"

I didn't say it like that, of course.

Nope.

'Cause when it's past 8 pm, Mommy doesn't "say" anything -- I bark it.

And, tonight, I very frustratingly commanded -- minus the "fudge" -- that my two little ladies go the heck to bed.

We are going on vacation tomorrow, and I expect I will have some anxious and excitable children this evening and into the early morning who will wake up many times and force my sleep (or lack thereof) to be anything but restful.

So, I set out to be "no play Mama" tonight and enforce a strict shut-eye policy right upon them climbing into the bed.

There was a request for some face tracing.

I honored that request for like 5 seconds.

"There, Mommy did some. Now, go to bed."

There were requests for milk.

"Finish the milk and close your eyes!" I ordered.

The more their little bodies wiggled and the longer their beautiful and innocent (but not at that moment) eyes stayed open, the more irritated I became.

And, then, as Pandora lullabies played, the restless movements ceased, and I had a sort of mini-epiphany:

Here I was thinking about how much I freakin' love the two of them, but how badly I want for them both to go the fudge to sleep.

But, then I imagined the good possibility that they were probably lying there thinking...

"I love you so much, Mommy, and that's exactly why I don't want to close my eyes."

GUT.

PUNCH.

Perhaps, if this mama opened her exhausted peepers and her heart a little bit wider and for a wee bit longer tonight -- and every night -- I would give my kids' the grace, love and bedtime patience they so very much deserve.

Well, there's always tomorrow and the many more opportunities it will provide for me to improve at this whole mothering thing.