"I never say 'Yes'."
That's what I thought this morning after I denied my youngest's request for me to play an utterly unproductive game with her.
She was also rejected when she asked me to sit with her, and I informed her, "I can't right now."
Before that, I had (far too easily, I must add) dismissed her request for me to stand idle and watch her do something. I mean, who's got time for that, right?
Except for me.
'Cause I should.
Not only DO I have the time, but even if I feel like I don't, I need to find the time.
As a busy mother of three whose kids are elearning from home, it's become far too familiar for me to meet my kids from a place of NO.
Because if I'm not
then what in the heck am I good for?
But that's a hard reminder I often have to force-feed myself.
The reminder that what I’m best, by far and large,
isn't cooking (I over or undercooked every meal I make),
cleaning (my house is in a constant state of disarray),
laundering (it’s my MO to leave clothes in washer and dryer for at least 3 days),
tidying (what even is that?),
researching (do I really need to google diagnose my child’s every odd behavior),
purchasing (my name is Nicole and I have an Amazon problem),
scheduling (where in the heck did I put my planner?),
labeling (I love labeling shiitake and then ignoring the labels),
organizing (I’m an “organized mess” I tell myself),
decluttering (my cluttered brain is really what needs a good cleanout)
planning (for every minute of every day for every what if just so my best laid plans can go to sh*t).
I’m best at loving my kids who don’t care about ANY of that nonsense.
Because nonsense is all any of that other stuff is.
Being a good mom is not about winning the Gold Standard Award for cleanest house or most organized snack pantry.
Being a good mom is about showing up with full presence as often as you can, and any bit of presence at all other times.
And it’s taken me nine years and three kids to figure that out.
That it’s not that I never say yes, it’s that I don’t always say yes AND THATS OKAY.
I say yes when it counts.
I say yes to loving them with every ounce of being even when I say no to some of their pleas.
I say yes to multitasking so that our family’s ship can operate appropriately, comfortable, in a clean environment, with us in clean clothes and with full bellies.
I say yes to giving myself a break for being the “NO” lady most days because I say yes to believing I’m doing a good job even when I worry that I’m not.