I’ll hold you

Even before I knew of your existence, I’ll hold you.

I’ll hold you in my heart and in my womb. I’ll hold your weight as I watch my body grow. I’ll hold you through morning sickness and shifted organs. I’ll hold you through food aversions and while I prepare a nursery for you. I’ll hold you through doctor appointments and sonograms. I’ll hold your health and safety in the safest place of my heart.

I’ll hold on tight to bed rails as the pain shoots through my body. I’ll hold you until the doctor says push. I’ll hold your Daddy’s hand as I meet you. I’ll hold you during midnight feedings and as you fall asleep.

I’ll hold you while you kick and scream in all your sweaty mess. I’ll hold you while we both cry tears of frustration. I’ll hold you when you’re angry at me, and even when I am angry with you too. I’ll hold you when you’re sad, and I don’t know how to solve it. I’ll hold you when I have the answers, and even when I don’t.

And even after my tiny frame buckles under your weight and I can’t physically hold you any longer, I’ll still hold you.

I’ll hold you to the highest standards and I’ll always hold you accountable. I’ll hold your secrets and your fears. I’ll hold your worries and your insecurities. I’ll hold it all if it means you don’t have to. I’ll hold your feelings, your well-being above all else. And I’ll always hold your hand if you’ll let me.

I’ll hold off on my dreams, so that you can chase yours. I’ll hold off on meals and showers so that you can have yours. I’ll hold off on a clean house so that I can make memories with you. I’ll hold off on my timelines so that you can go at your own pace. I’ll hold off on the lesson so that you can learn on your own. I’ll hold off on speaking when you really need me to listen.

For you, my child, I’ll always hold you.

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