I'm a better mom than friend.

Because as a friend, I’m unreliable.

I'll show up until I won't,

because someone awoke with a cold,

because I have too many things on my to-do list,

because I’m burnt from the day, and that tired feeling is sitting heavy on my chest.

And If I’m going to get up early and do it all again, then I JUST CAN’T.

I’m not a bad friend either.

If a friend’s struggling, I'll call with an open ear and heart.

I’ll check in daily

And if there’s ANYTHING I can do,

I will.

But if she wants me to come over for girl talk and beverages,

it won’t be until after my children are tucked in.

I'm a better mom than friend,

because I won’t meet up for coffee in the middle of the day because I won’t miss my eldest’s soccer game or will be too busy playing with my children in the park.

And I won’t go out to her birthday dinner until my children are all okay. I’ll likely show up, but it may be late, and if one of them wakes and needs my comfort, I’ll be leaving early.

Because one day, when I’ll have more time to meet my friends, I know I'll miss this.

Because soon they'll be older, and we won't be able to spend the entire day together. School, extracurriculars, and friends will pull them. I'll no longer be the center of their universe but a supporting role in their lives.

And I won't get real-time updates of their day-to-day.

So I want all the time I can get with my children,

to shape them,

and become their safe space,

so they choose to come to me when they’re older and spend their time with me.

I'm a better mom than friend.

Because as a mom, I'm reliable,

and my kids come first,

and they always will.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book "Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder" is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2O4mJId