Going back to work doesn’t scare me.

And to be frank, I don’t see why more SAHM's aren’t going back.

Sure, going back to work is going to be stressful.

It’ll push my family into a new and crazy season of life.

And yes, we could use the income from me going back to work. But that isn’t all of the reason why I am going back.

I am going back to work for me. For my sanity. For my well-being.

No one talks about how debilitating it can be to be a stay at home mom. Maybe not to all SAHM’s feel that way, but during my time as a stay at home mom, I have made tons of friends with other SAHM’s and so many of them feel the same way.

But they don’t want to talk about it.

Because it’s hard. It makes us seem ungrateful for getting to spend so much time with our babies.

We as SAHM’s get to watch them grow and flourish, while working moms get to wonder what they missed that day.

I am very thankful for being able to watch my twins grow into the little people that they are now at 16 months old.

But I am also exhausted.

I am never truly done. Not with anything. There is always something more to do and things are always falling on my plate.

More so simply because I am home all day for them to fall on my plate.

Even with starting my own business from home, nothing is every truly done. There is always work whether it be home, my business, the twins, or my family.

I can try my best to walk away but I’m still stuck with it. I still see every single thing.

But most of all, I never get to walk away from my twins.

I might take the time off when I can or want to. My husband will take over and I can runaway to the store or go hide in our room for a while to decompress.

But it’s never enough.

I never get the chance to really appreciate my family, my babies, my home.

Because I am constantly stewing in it all.

And I hate myself for it.

There. I said it. I hate it. I hate that I don’t have the chance as a SAHM to appreciate and love my life, my kids and my husband the way I should be.

I should be so thankful to be home and be able to soak in every second.

But instead, those seconds are spent getting more and more worked up because I am drowning as a stay at home mom.

So, I’m going back to work.

I’ve been back for two days now. Worked two long days away from my babies.

And last night when I got home, I laid on the floor and played with them. Told them how much I loved them. Told them how much mommy missed them.

I hugged them and kissed them.

I really appreciated the time them.

And I am excited to see them this morning because I won’t tomorrow morning.

I am going back to work for this.

I am not scared.

And you shouldn’t be either.

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