I’m struggling to be IN the moments — to FEEL all the feelings

I wake up every morning and say: today I’ll intently watch them. I’ll watch my children as they grow right in front of my eyes like they do at an alarming rate, every minute of every day.

But somehow, I’m always missing the moments.

I’m always running toward the next task.
I’m always looking 10 steps ahead,
Struggling to finish the never ending to-do list that only increases with time somehow.

I’m regretting moments that are passing me by as I’m living them, and I don’t know how to make it stop.

Someone please tell me how to make it stop.

The world around me is so loud and constantly demanding my attention, demanding that I push my kids off to the side so I can focus.

But in reality
I’ve lost focus
Of what really matters
Of them.

I’ve lost moments.
I’ve missed firsts and lasts while I was buried in the noise around me.

I’m wishing away days and crying over them into my pillow at night.

Why is the world so loud?
So demanding, so hard to shush?

My children, they’re just so innocent
Just waiting for me along the sidelines
Waiting for me to keenly listen to their stories and admire their drawings.

And I’m stuck somewhere in the middle of it all

Of my to-do list
Of my responsibilities
Of my family
Of my friends
Of myself.

I’m wondering if it will ever tone down a bit while I can still enjoy their littleness and their innocence.
I’m wondering if the noise of the world will drown itself out at some point.

I’m wondering if they’ll still want me to watch and listen when I’ve caught up with the to-do list.

Or will it be an opportunity missed?

Suka Nasrallah, Author