​before I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, I heard mostly the good things about becoming a mom. I had a wonderful picture in my head of how the hospital stay would go and how the first few weeks at home would be bliss. I am a neonatal icu nurse so I always felt like I had a leg up on other first time moms. I mean I feed and change 1 lb babies everyday! How hard could it be?!

I never knew how hard my hormones would hit me after giving birth. Although I felt a wonderful connection right from the beginning to little vivian, I was a mess of tears for three weeks straight! I couldn't believe how hard it was to take care of a little screaming wrinkly baby! There were days I never changed out of pajamas or showered. There were times I never left the same spot on the couch! Those days hit me hard. I was so shocked I wasn't basking in the glory of becoming a mother like I thought it would. I pictured making cookies and other baked goods while the baby slept peacefully. I wish I would've had a better idea of how hard it was really going to be. I think women are afraid to talk about the bad things for fear people will think they are a bad mom.

Now that things have settled down and my baby is 4 months old I have a great handle on it. My advice to all new moms would be that you might be sad and overwhelmed at first and it's ok!!!