So, I have a confession. Every once in a while, when the busy stops. Every once in a while, when I have a moment to stop and look in the mirror or look down at my body---

something happens.

It’s like something snaps and all the thoughts that were held in come pouring out.

I have too much fat that found a home on my tummy.

I have too much love on my love handles.

Things don't feel good or look right.

I know I preach body positivity, and I DO BELIEVE EVERYTHING I PREACH, but I think it’s important to let people know that I do have days, and moments within days, when the focus shifts from my kids, and I feel insecure about my body. And even though I do rationally know I just had a baby, it’s still hard to take what I see as my normal for right now.

Because as much as I'm thankful for what my body does, and the beautiful lives it made, it’s hard when that little pooch hangs over my shorts.

It’s hard when I have a case of the “too's” like the blues—because I get sad—but the focus is on me being too much, and at the top of that list is my fat being too much.

Unfortunately, even though I’m in eating disorder recovery for six years, that’s still where my mind automatically goes.

I have to counter those thoughts, by thinking of all the blessings in my life and not because I didn't have fat because I do, but because of who I am as a person. Because what and who I care about—my daughters, my family-- don’t think I’m too much of anything. If anything, they want more of me.

So, all I can do is give myself grace.

And you can never have too much love, and that includes your love handles (this is me practicing giving myself grace.)

And you should too.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2O4mJId