“Congrats on your pregnancy!” is all we need to say to Meghan Markle.

We in the loss community don’t get to define her loss for her.

Meghan told us she had a miscarriage.

She’s now telling us she’s pregnant with her second child.

Her announcement of having a second child is her decision on how she views her family.

This does not mean her way has to be your way.

How you view your family is how you view your family.

I have three children, one dead and two alive. I include Nora’s name in holiday cards and family photos because it’s what works for our family. It’s how I want to tell MY story. I would never suggest another loss family has to do the same as me, because it’s not my story to tell. It’s their story to tell, like it’s Meghan’s story to tell.

Let’s let Meghan share her story the way she wants to share it. If she calls her third pregnancy her second child, it doesn’t negate her pain. It’s just how she holds it. Let’s let her hold it how she wants, because that’s what we all want as loss parents.

And remember those memes going around when Meghan and Chrissy lost their babies? They went something like, “Meghan won’t read your mean post about her pregnancy loss, but your friend that lost a pregnancy will.” Let’s take our own advice, “Because Meghan won’t read your judgmental post on how she views her family, but your friends who chose to honor their losses silently and differently than you will.”

Let’s just all remember to treat others the way they tell us they want to be treated.