I watched you struggle one night, wrestling with numbers while your daddy tried not to pull what’s left of his hair out. You were tired, we were all tired. So, when your dad told you to walk around the house to get the blood pumping my heart sank. I looked at your defeated face and said, “I know how this feels and I know you can do this.”

The next morning you melted into me when I woke you up, the time told me to rush but my heart told me to slow down and almost stopped when you asked me to hold you. Time could wait, so I wrapped you up and held you for as long as I could. Later, I curled your hair and let you put on some of my lipstick for picture day.

You told me that I could do anything- curl hair, work a job, and listed off a few other things you think are cool. Some days I feel like that’s true, but most of the time I just feel like I’m forgetting everything. But, I try. That’s our superpower, to try even when we feel like giving up.

This is what makes us a family. To try. To love. To mess up. And, keep trying.

You feel like you are less than your classmates because you wrestle with words and numbers. One day the things that you wrestle with and slow you down will be the things that empower you the most to be who God created you to be. Those struggles, baby girl, are your tools and your superpower. Your bravest act will be to keep trying.

You think I have it all together, but I have learned how to fall into pieces and how to be pieced back together with grace. I'm also on meds, but we can talk about that later. I suck at juggling most of my roles, but heck...I sure try.

One day you will call me crying terrified that your children will need therapy because of you. But, I will remind you that love thrives in imperfect houses and hearts that love enough to keep trying. We will all be fine, but baby, this means saying goodbye to perfection and yes to all the messy things that come with loving well in a crazy world.

Sometimes motherhood feels like a sweet embrace, one that you never want to let go of, while being kicked in the face repeatedly. Most days you feel like you are doing everything wrong, but you have the best of intentions. Your motivation is love, your fuel is coffee and prayers. You invite love into the messy chaos called family and cannot imagine life being anything other than what you have.
This is what makes a family. Slammed doors and salty words, apologies, and laughter through tears, and being so grateful for full hearts and messy floors.

It is saying I love you every time you feel it and even when you don’t.

Family is hard but it’s worth it. Love is hard but it’s worth it.

You can find the definition of a strong family in each and every messy, stretching place. This is what love looks like, it looks like us.