I was kind of a jerk today.

I yelled.

I lacked patience.

I was unreasonable.

I was negatively reactive to everything and everyone.

My expectations for the children, the day’s activities and how much I could/would/should accomplish were too high.

Honestly, I have no excuse except...

Spring break.

And

Kids.

But that’s a sh*tty excuse.

And, as harsh as it sounds, I was sort of a piss poor excuse of a mother today.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the worst of the worst, but on the regular, I’d prefer to be considered one of the best of the best.

That’s my everyday goal, though daily, I seemingly fall short.

What a crazy rollercoaster of moments, experiences, conversations, and feelings motherhood is.

I go to bed each night, reflecting on my day as my children’s example for what is right and good in this world, and I feel very ashamed of the negativity they occasionally witness from observing me.

However, I then make a promise to myself that tomorrow will be different.

And, every tomorrow after that will not be the same because I will rise motivated to be and do better — for them, mainly, but also for my husband, myself, and really, for the betterment of the world.

Maybe being a good mom is never acting like a jerk to those you love.

Yet, maybe being a great mom — one of the best of the best — is being so stinkin’ intensely and authentically imperfect that you feel all the feelings because 1) you can’t help it and 2) you believe deep in your soul the importance of raising tiny humans who are comfortable recognizing and feeling all of their feelings as well.

So, when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll apologize for today’s jerkiness.

I’ll explain to my kiddos (in an age-appropriate manner) what fears, anxieties, pressures, etc. contributed to my poop emoji-worthy behavior and I’ll share with them how I plan to cope and not repeat yesterday’s mistakes.

Yes, I was kind of a jerk today.

And, if we’re keeping it real, I’m sure I’ll be less than pleasant pie another day this week and probably for many to come throughout their lives.

But, I’ll always apologize, and I’ll end each day with the goal of exercising more sweetness, presence, and gratitude in the day to follow.

I was kind of a jerk today.

But raising your kids not to be one, that’s hard work, and such a challenging task can make you grumpy.

I was kind of a jerk today.

But, it'll be okay.

Tomorrow I'll do better.