I need to vent.

I need to mom-vent.

Is that a thing? A phrase people use? If they don’t, they totally should.

Here’s the basic jist if what I consider a mom-vent:

The people you love most are bound to drive you bat shit crazy sometimes. Airing that laundry just feels better. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. Unconditionally and irrevocably. I know this in the deepest parts of my soul and so does my husband. Venting does not equal hate, resentment, or any other type of hostile feelings. Sometimes – we just need to let it out to let it go.

So, here I am: stay-at-home mom of four. The hubs works full time and it’s summer vacay for my two oldest.

You see where I’m going with this already, don’t you?

I get it. I do. The last thing any kid wants to do, especially during summer break, is help clean the house. I remember that feeling from when I was a child. I can remember plotting and scheming to get out of certain tasks. Hell, I even had a Tom Sawyer moment where I convinced a friend to help me pull weeds “for fun.”

Now that the proverbial shoe is on the other foot, I understand the frustration my parents must have felt when I was young.

I do e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g for you kids. Can’t you just empty the dishwasher or vacuum the living room without complaining?

Hahaha. The answer will always be an obvious, “no!”

It’s kind of funny, being in this position. I get how my kids feel. I get how my parents must’ve felt. But, yet, I still find myself screaming at my daughter like a psycho while she stairs back at me with indifference.

And, seriously, what is it about that look on her face that makes me want to scream more?

Handing out chores and teaching my kids to properly clean up after themselves has turned me into a sweary version of Danny Tanner. Only there are rarely fluffy, life-lesson moments where we all hug. Just tears and a bunch of half-finished jobs I will have to do later.

Really, it’s kind of amazing how my kids can take the easiest of tasks and make them difficult. Honestly, I feel like most times, they’re just screwing with me so I get mad and do it myself. Yesterday, my daughter swore she couldn’t see the toothpaste all over the bathroom sink or floor (it’s friggin bright red and blue). Today, my son was suddenly unable to tell the difference between the floor and a clothes basket, when asked to sort laundry (sort! Only sort! I didn’t even ask him to fold anything!).

And, Lord help us all if I ever expect the kids to work together. Just the mere sight of one another is enough to push my oldest son or daughter over the edge as they’re busy with whatever terrible task their mean mother has assigned. It’s true! I wish I were kidding. Last week, my daughter cleared the dinner table as my son loaded the dishwasher. Obviously, both children swore the other’s job was easier, thus beginning 20 minutes of arguing, crying, and pleading: “next time, I’m doing that instead!”

(Spoiler alert: this week, they did swap. Same exact outcome.)

Is it really too much to ask for kids to just DO their daily chores?

Ugh. Don’t answer that.

I know this is all part of the magical journey we call raising children – but, damn, it sucks. Just once, I’d like a day where everyone does what they’re supposed to without fighting or crying.

Yeah, I know that’s reaching. But, guys, I hate turning into the crazed mom with a short fuse, who barks orders all day. And, I hate threatening to take away privileges. And, I really hate actually taking away privileges.

Contrary to what my kids may tell you, I do not enjoy being Sweary Neat Freak Mom. I would always much rather be Carefree Fun Mom.

I LOVE hanging out with my kids. They are hilarious. And silly. Smart. Outgoing. They are downright fun to be with!

Mamas – I just want a little help without the accompanying screaming and crying. That’s all I’m saying. Some help around the house that doesn’t result in someone stomping up the steps to their room, while I stand defeated in the hallway full of toys I’ve been tripping over for a week.

I know you ladies get it too!

You have all these daily chores that need to be accomplished. You need help. You want help. Your kiddos are old enough and capable to help, and BONUS, chores teach responsibility, self-care, and consideration, right? You think: Yes! I’m being that Instagrammable super mom! My housework will be completed and my kids are learning team work!

No sooner do you finish patting yourself on the back than those glorious dreams are shattered by the sounds of chaos coming from the bathroom.

The bathroom?

Yep. One kid is filling the sink with water and hand soap, while another is brushing their teeth. A third was asked to use disinfecting wipes on the sink and outside of the toilet – he’s yelling at the others to get out of his way. The youngest, with bubbles up to his elbows now, is crying because his sister dripped toothpaste in his water/soap mixture. The third kiddo continues yelling, as he’s now trying to physically push the others out so he can complete his job…

This is when the thought first creeps up in your mind: is 11am too early for a drink?

(A day-drinking stay-at-home mom is probably less Instagrammable.)

One day! One day, this will all get easier! Less chaotic! Right?

Probably not.

So, thank goodness for mom-venting! Gotta do something to relieve the stress.

Sometimes – a lot of times – the people I love most drive me bat shit crazy.

I let it out to let it go.

It just feels better.

The people I love most.