Barely hanging on but loving your crew so much you could burst?

Yep, me too.

After spending the morning supporting the kids with all their school needs, I grabbed my computer and tried to ninja tiptoe unnoticed to a different part of the house. I needed to work, I needed whole thoughts that went all the way from start to finish, I needed a bless-ed minute of sanity.

But we know how that goes - the fastest way to get your child's attention is to attempt 'the slip away!' Within SECONDS my little bear was beside me. Jumping into a beanbag, he launched into a monologue that literally began with "I'm going to tell you everything I did today." (Even though I lived 'everything he did today' live and in-person.) Somewhere between his avocado toast breakfast and his lego castle narrative, he got distracted by the curtain that hung behind him. He decided to abandon the list and instead ask repeatedly if I could "see him now."

I looked at him and inside I felt so used up. So thinly stretched. So darn frustrated for the lack of one reset minute for myself after pouring it out for everyone else.

And also... I couldn't hold back a laugh with this little guy. I felt warm and thankful for time with him, it's rushing by too quickly. And blessed! I am still his number one to seek out, his favorite giggle partner, and who he wants to tell all the things to.

While my mind and heart hopped back and forth between all the feels, it hit me just how much contrast mothers are always wrestling inwardly!
Exhausted, but grateful.

Feeling broken, but complete.

Heartache over how fast they grow, but so excited to see what's next for them.
Running on empty, but all filled up.

Needing a break from the kids, but not wanting to miss a minute with them.

Proud, but questioning yourself constantly.

Overwhelmed, but over the moon.

The tug of war and back and forth of it all is enough to make a girl crazy. Especially when the hard feels extra heavy.

That's where I am today, a little stuck in the 'both' feelings.

If you're feeling equal parts "I'm going to absolutely loose my mind" mixed with "Gosh I love these stinkers," then you are not alone.

Motherhood is both. It's so much both.

Both parts of that inward tugging are normal. Both are part of the job.
We're allowed to feel both.

Love, your friend steeped in both

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