• If you send your child to school in a brand new outfit, she will finger paint in art class

• The day after you buy your child a new wardrobe, your principal will announce the new dress code.

• If your child leaves the house wearing yesterday's dirty shirt, the state senator will drop by for an assembly and photo-op.

• If your child wears a white shirt for his band concert, the cafeteria will serve spaghetti and chocolate pudding.

• If your child can't find her sneakers, it must be gym day.

• If your child gives himself a haircut, tomorrow will be picture day.

• The morning your kids finally get up and ready on time, the bus will be late.

• When you finally get the baby down for a nap, the nurse will call you to pick up a sick kid.

• If there is a HazMat team outside of your child's school, the chemical spill will have happened in her classroom.

• If you buy the Superman backpack your son has been asking for all summer, on the first day of school he will cry that he wanted Batman.

• If anyone is going to throw up on the field trip, it is going to be the kid sitting right next to you.

Note: If you are wondering about the last statement. Yes, my husband was thrown up on during a 3rd grade field trip to the theater. That was the last time he chaperoned!