My almost 5 year old asks "are my brothers in heaven?" and I answer "yes". These days I don't tear up as often as I used to. It has been almost 2 years since his brothers passed away. Their grave marker says "Born without breath, but not without love".

It has been important for our son to know his brothers. Their lives were complicated from our first ultrasound, mono mono twins with and one with anecephaly. We spent a lot of time with doctors to see what could be done to save one or both. But in the end, God took our decision away from us and called both of them to heaven.

Even though our son was only 3 at the time, we decided to include him in the funeral and the grief process. I couldn't figure out how we would not talk about this now and somehow tell him in the future. Was 5 old enough to tell him? Was 10? Instead, his brothers became a part of our family story. One that our son fully participates in.

I know he will have questions as he grows up. I hope to be able to explain things to him. How Mommy and Daddy fell apart for a while. How I wasn't able to find any joy in the world, until he made me laugh. How I am sorry for not being the best Mommy when I was grieving so hard I couldn't breath. But most of all, I want to tell him how much he and they are loved. How his brothers will always have a place in this family.

Our family has 3 boys, 2 that live in heaven. If our son is to be believed, they live in a blue house :). He has a relationship with them, which I don't fully understand, but it is very real when he talks about them. He asks when we can go visit them, which there is no easy answer I can give. I love that he talks about them and that he brings them up when he is thinking about them. It makes me feel like they are close by.