Becoming a mother changes your life, but becoming a N.C.I.U mom changes every fiber of your being. I used to be able to hear words like Brady and think of the amazing football player but now when I hear that word it brings me back to that small dark hospital room, with the monitor going off and a nurse rushing in while my baby stops breathing. You think if you do everything the doctor tells you to than nothing will go wrong in your pregnancy but that just isn't always the case. i was 29 weeks pregnant with my third baby. I had a 7 year old son and a 15 month old daughter at home and we were so excited to be adding another little girl to our family. When I started not feeling well I chalked it up to being tired from helping out at my best friends baby shower the day before but some nagging voice in my head kept telling me "just call the doctor and make sure" so I called the office and spoke with on call operator since it was a weekend and the office wasn't open. My doctor agreed it was probably nothing but that I should go get checked just in case. Me not feeling right ended up being more serious than I thought. My blood pressure had sky rocketed. they were able to get it under control but I was admitted anyway. My mouth dropped when they told me I was going to be there for hopefully be there for 5 weeks so they can induce me at a safer time for the baby. I was only 29 weeks. I made it 5 days before it happened again. This time when my blood pressure went through the roof, they couldn't get it back down and decided to induce me. I frantically called my husband and mother telling them to hurry to be there with me. They used a saline balloon to open my cervix and almost instantly I felt like an elephant sat on my chest. I could barely breath, i felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. suddenly the room was filled with doctors and nurses. They explained that I was going to need to have an emergency c-section. My husbands face turned white and he asked my mother to go with me. Too afraid he would pass out if he stood up from how nervous he was. I remember being rolled down the hallway hearing them saying something about shes crashing and thinking this is it. I'm dying and i wont get to meet my baby. They put me to sleep when we entered the operating room. Next thing I knew I was back in the delivery room with my husband and mother. my mother showed me a heartbreaking photo of her. she was blue and so skinny you could almost see every bone in her body. I kept thinking she isn't going to make it and its completely my fault. I failed her.

hours later I got to meet my beautiful 2lb, 12inch baby girl. there was more wires than baby in her little incubator, a breathing tube down her little throat and an iv in her umbilical cord. She looked so fragile laying there with her big eyes open but I just knew right then she was going to be okay. we were blessed. after 24 hours they were able to remove the breathing tube and she was breathing good on her own and because of that I was able to hold her for the first time.

She was in the N.I.C.U for 8 weeks and 2 days, You know you prepare yourself, the day your discharged to leave without your baby. keep repeating it's okay to leave and she will come home soon too but no matter how prepared you think you are, there is no way to stop yourself from feeling so empty when you walk out those doors. leaving her behind and watching all these happy new parents bringing there babies home. its a terrible lonely feeling. every day she got bigger and stronger. soon the brady's stopped and she started looking more like a healthy baby. she overcame so many obstacles but the hardest one was learning to eat. she had such a hard time learning how to latch on to my breast or to suck on a bottle. i didn't breast feed my other two children but I was dead set on giving her the best I could give her so I pumped every 3 hours like clock work, even throughout the night to make sure I could build my supply up for her. The day we finally brought her home was the best and scariest day of my life. She was now 8 weeks old, 4.5lbs. she is the biggest blessing we have. Today she is 16 months old and 15lbs. she is still a tiny peanut wearing 6-9 month clothing but has recently started walking. she is perfect and "Although she be but little, She is Fierce."