Have you ever heard that term, “having it all?” I have always had a love-hate relationship with that phrase. And my tumultuous relationship with it began at a professional women’s conference I attended a number of years ago, shortly after I had my oldest daughter. There was a session titled, “Can you really have it all?” And I remember having so many thoughts:

What does that really mean?

Are the speakers the ones who do have it all?

What is it exactly that they have?

I want that. All. It sounds complete.

I kind of think that “having it all” is a goal for most of us. However, it’s never attainable. Not because we are incapable of going and getting what it is that we want in life, but because “all” is undefined. How will you know that you have something if you never knew what it was that you wanted? You can’t.

(I also think “all” maybe loosely implies: woman with both a family and a career, loveable dog optional. Which I think is BS.)

I tweeted shortly after that session in a Twitter stint that lasted all of a few months, “Yes you can have it all, because you determine what your all is.” And it wasn’t wildly successful, but it was retweeted by multiple conference attendees and got more stars, which are like Facebook’s thumbs ups, than I had ever had before. It resonated.

You determine what your all is.

That has stuck with me to this day. Your all is what makes you complete. Whatever makes you feel whole. And for each of us, that’s different.

Right now my ALL includes my silly and thoughtful husband of 8 years, Donny, our 3 wild girls, Brynlee, 6, Aubrey, 3, and Peyton, 6 months, writing, faith, friends, helping others and coffee/wine (depending on the time of day.)

My all is a work in progress. But I have it, in all its lackluster, sleep-deprived glory. And I hope you can find yours, too. If you don't have something you want, go get it! If you can't think of anything more you need, find happiness with what you have. But please, please stop searching for an ideal that does not exist. Amen.

Originally posted by Megan Brammeier on her blog.

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