There are a lot of hard things in this life. Little things like running a mile, geometry, fitting into last year’s jeans, and big things like relationships, sickness, and grief. So when people tell you, as a first time mom, that having a baby is hard, you might think “yeah, yeah I know.” It sounds hard, so you assume it is.

But like most things, you don’t really give the hardness much thought, until you are face to face with it—when that baby finally lands on your chest in the birthing suite. And you don't really know how hard it is, until you are in the thick of it—when you’ve been up all night for days on end, are in need of a shower, and you are screaming across the house at your husband to, "JUST USE THE PACIFIER! WHERE IS THE PACIFIER?" And it hits you, that yep, all those people were right, this is hard.

I am somewhat of a control freak. I attempt to control my day, my house, my finances, and if it were up to me, my child. The latter is unfortunately not easy to control, and that is hard for me. What works one day to soothe my child, will infuriate him the next. When I think I have a schedule finally in place, he will wake up every two hours to be fed. I like predictable, and babies just aren't. Cuddly, yes. Predictable, not so much.

And, when I heard about all the hormones and emotional breakdowns that occur postpartum, I kind of thought I would just sail right past those, all dreamy like on a new baby cloud. But that isn't the case. And I don't think any new momma is immune. I am a sweaty, hormonal, milk-making mess. This is hard.

I have such respect for stay-at-home moms. Caring for another human all day brings new meaning to the word hard. Because there are no breaks in motherhood. There is always something to be planned, fixed, paid, cleaned, or someone to be fed, soothed, washed and entertained. I will start one thing, and never finish because something more pressing needs my attention. Thus, my house feels out of control as well. And being in the house all day, is just a reminder of that, as dirty dishes, diaper pails, and laundry overflow. At the end of the day, you just want a break—to sink into somewhere quiet and soothing—and rest your weary bones. But your husband has been working all day as well and has skipped the gym because he feels guilty leaving you home alone any longer with a baby. Then you feel guilty for him feeling guilty. And then the baby is crying, and everyone is bent out of shape. This is hard.

It's easy to let resentment sneak into your marriage. Even when you logically know that your spouse can't be there all day with you, you expect him to somehow carry the same load as you, and to understand exactly what you are going through. But they are carrying their own load, in a different way. I don’t know what it’s like to be a husband, but I imagine he is under immense pressure to provide, love, and care for this tiny being that he isn’t as naturally equipped to care for. And he will never understand exactly what I'm going through because I am a woman, and now, a mother. This is hard.

Trying to navigate this new phase, one that puts my needs on the back burner, is difficult, but incredible at the same time. I had no idea I was capable of such profound love. When I look at my child I’m filled with emotions that are hard to describe, and all consuming, really. I now understand how a mother bear will literally attack her mate if he comes near her cubs. Mothers are fierce and amazing. Our bodies are capable of growing and feeding a whole person, all while working, cleaning, and living for goodness sake.

So yes, if you are embarking on new motherhood, it is hard. Incredibly hard. You’ll get things right and get things really, really wrong. You’ll need wine and grace and lots of caffeine. But motherhood is the most wonderful hard thing you’ll ever do. It is the best.

Good luck new momma, you got this.